Are You Unexperienced? / June 11 2008
A photocopied leaflet was pushed through the letterbox earlier today which informed the reader: Wanted! Unexperienced person who are proffesionel 2 work for local company delivering leaflet’s door 2 door. Experience not nessasery as training will be given. Good rate’s of pay. Salery negotiated. Call ring or telephone 693214. You’re reprisentitive is, KAREN.
I was sorely [...]
Raisins To Be Cheerful / May 7 2008
I am now a Freegan.
When Audrey and I were walking past the Co-op car park this morning, I noticed that one of the large, brown bins at the side of the shop was overflowing with some brightly-coloured packets of food. ‘We’ll be having a look at that,’ I told my eager little companion.
To my delight [...]
The Napoleonic Wars (Part I) / May 5 2008
I was already in angry bear mode when I woke up this morning but the fact that my next-door-neighbour keeps throwing his empty cans of Foster’s lager on to my back garden made me feel even worse.
I took a moment to gird my loins and stormed round there. I banged on his door ready to [...]
And Multiply / April 28 2008
There is a boy whose photograph is splashed all over the front page of the local paper today who was viciously attacked by a gang of youths at the weekend. He was so badly beaten, his own reflection didn’t recognise him.
His attackers are typical of hundreds of young males around here: ignorant and intolerant – [...]
This Boy’s Knife / March 14 2008
I think I’m going to start carrying a knife around with me; everybody else seems to be doing it, according to the daily high-pitched news bulletins.
It’s a big one, too – a real Davy.
More Treatment / October 22 2007
Once again, the filthy urchins of the parish have outdone themselves.
When they turned up at the house last night, they had not even bothered to dress up in the appropriate Halloween costumes or masks. ‘Trick or treat!’ came the inevitable demand.
They were actually shouting at the window because I was pretending that I wasn’t at [...]
Saliva Birds / September 23 2007
I do not like to hear teenage girls swearing or to see them scratching themselves in unsavoury places (You mean like outside the glue factory? – Crap Jokes Ed.), but what I find most disturbing is the occurrence of young females spitting in the street. And even then, if it was just one or two [...]
Love of the Common People / September 18 2007
I beg your indulgence while I vent my spleen. I have mentioned before that rudeness is my bête noire, and I have just encountered an inbred idiot of a man who probably invented it.
There are many people around here who are ignorant, ill-mannered and demonstrably backward, but this person was so rude and objectionable that [...]
Sombrero Fallout / September 13 2007
I think it must be dressing-up day at the local infants school because Audrey and I passed scores of children this morning who were filing into the playground carrying bundles of colourful shirts, hats, spangled sandals and boots.
Our attention was drawn in particular to a pair of 5 or 6 year-old girls who were involved [...]
