A Hit With The Ladies / November 29 2007
Audrey and I witnessed a fight between two women outside the Villager pub last night. I cannot repeat here for reasons of decency any of the language being used while blows and insults were being exchanged, but I am sure it is not difficult to imagine the kinds of things that were being said. [...]
International Incident No.2 / November 20 2007
‘You were right, Nelson,’ I informed him this morning. ‘I am an idiot.’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘She’s not the one,’ I told him.
‘Has she dumped you?’ he yawned.
‘Yep.’
‘I told you, didn’t I? They all dump you eventually,’ he said. ‘You’re the Goodbye Guy.’
‘Yep.’
‘Oh well . . . there are plenty more fish in the kettle,’ he ventured. ‘It [...]
The Language of Love / November 4 2007
A drunken couple were fighting outside in the street at 2am this morning. I had been fast asleep but I couldn’t resist getting out of bed to have look out of the window.
The man had a beer bottle in his hand and was staggering around in the middle of the road. ‘I f***ing love you, [...]
International Incident / September 29 2007
‘She’s the one, Nelson.’
‘Pardon?’
‘She’s the one,’ I told him.
‘You’re an idiot,’ he said. ‘How do you know?’
‘Trust me; you know when you’ve found the one.’
‘You said that the last time; all those years ago – and the time before that. You thought they were “the one” too. How many ones can one have? Can one [...]
Heavenly Bodies / August 14 2007
It is hard work being single sometimes – especially for a man as handsome and as talented as I am.
What I find particularly perplexing, is when Audrey and I encounter pretty females whilst we are out walking.
I fall in love everyday. As soon as I see a beautiful woman, I am already imagining in my [...]
Overture / June 9 2007
I’m so excited. I’m so exciting.
At four o’clock yesterday afternoon, I clumsily presented to my new potential life-partner - the fine-looking lollipop lady who performs her duties twice daily at the end of the street (I’m a sucker for a pretty girl in a hi-vis miniskirt) - a huge red lollipop. It was strawberry-flavoured. I [...]
Light Reflected / June 8 2007
I am feeling very light this morning as I stand staring at myself in the tall mirror in the hall. It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders because I have just learned to my huge relief that Nelson has decided not to accompany Jeremy on his important trip to [...]
Lollipop Lady Love / June 7 2007
I have fallen in love again.
It must be the weather - either that or just my normal, rampant, adenoidal yearnings.
This time it is with the new Lollipop Lady who stands outside the infants’ school at the end of our street, helping to guide cheerful little children across the busy public road every morning, shielding them from angry [...]
Problem Solved / May 29 2007
Waiting in my inbox this morning was an email from a woman requesting urgent and personal congregation with me.
She appears to be East European though she does not specify exactly where she is from – but who the hell cares?
She begins her message in a very encouraging style:
‘Hello please. I like you introduce in perfect [...]
Note To Self / May 11 2007
I must remember not to grin like an idiot at pretty girls in the supermarket. It never proves to be a wholly successful exercise. In fact, I invariably end up embarrassing myself.
This morning, I smiled and said hi to a dazzling young creature at the fruit and vegetable counter in the Co-op. But in so [...]
