Crash Landings / September 20 2007
Nelson rang last night. He asked how I was.
‘I’m feeling lonely,’ I told him.
‘Think yourself lucky,’ he said. ‘At least you got rid of that mad French woman you were married to. She was anybody’s for a tin of beans and a Martini. Small price to pay, being lonesome, if you ask me. You got [...]
Final Reminders / August 9 2007
I am very divorced now, but looking for some old photographs to throw away last night, I was reminded of my marriage ceremony.
My wedding day was a gas.
True to form, I was completely drunk when I took my wife up the aisle, so to speak.
Months later, she revealed to me that she was ‘a bit [...]
Drag Racing / February 16 2007
It was my birthday yesterday, and this morning, I am ashamed to say, I am decidedly overhung.
I was joined early in the evening by my good friend (and nascent transvestite pop star) Nelson Galaxy, who brought with him several bottles of frosty champagne, a crate of cold Budweiser and a brace of Beaujolais Nouveaux, all [...]
Au Revoir, Paris / January 24 2007
Until recently, I was thinking of approaching celebrity heiress Paris Hilton and asking her if she would like to be my girlfriend. But after hearing of her recent arrest for drink-driving, I’ve changed my mind.
A Los Angeles court has fined her $1,150 and sentenced her to three years probation after she pleaded no contest to [...]
Telling Teenage Fortunes / January 20 2007
No.1 You will drop the ball.
Puddle Jumper / January 18 2007
What is it with dogs and water? Well my dog, anyway. She just loves the stuff.
It has been raining heavily here for the past few days, and the BMX track on the ‘rec behind the house that Audrey and I presently call home, has become completely flooded. Whilst this is an immense disappointment for several [...]
