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He Wants To Believe More / July 30 2008
Septuagenarian arch joker and conspiracy theorist Reg has been telling me more about the alien spacecraft he is convinced made a crash landing recently in the Derbyshire hills just outside of Blackwell. I bumped into him yesterday as he was jumping off the Alfreton bus.
‘Hey, Davy, look at this what I’ve just bought!’ His voice [...]
He Wants To Believe / July 24 2008
There was a knock on the door half an hour ago. Standing there was Reg, breathless and sweating profusely. His tiny Jack Russell was trying to urinate on every vertical surface within three feet of my front door.
‘Here, I’ve come to show you this again. Amazing, eh?’ He thrust an object into my hands whose [...]
More Secrets and Pies / July 21 2008
Reg collared me again today. He was coming out of the Blockbuster store on the High Street with an arm full of DVDs. ‘What do you reckon?’ he asked.
‘What’s that, Reginald?’
‘I said to the bloke in there,’ he pointed behind him, into the shop, ‘Can I have Batman Forever?’
‘Oh, yes?’
‘Do you know what he told [...]
Secrets and Pies / July 17 2008
I keep bumping into Reg; I think he’s stalking me. And, apart form his – sometimes quite sophisticated – jokes, he does, rather worryingly, tend to say some odd things.
Earlier today, outside the Starlight Café in the village, he looked like he was dressed for a rap video: he had on a baseball cap, baggy [...]
Cutting Remarks / July 14 2008
As I was coming out of the Cut Above Barbershop in the market place with Audrey this morning, shocked and embarrassed by my unwelcome reflection in the shop window, my arm was suddenly grasped from behind and I was pulled roughly backwards on to the pavement.
‘Saved you there, boss.’ It was Reg. A woman in [...]
Hot and Coldplay / July 1 2008
‘Davy!’ Reg was shouting at me from the other side of the street. ‘Are you deaf? Davy!’ I crossed the busy thoroughfare and greeted him. ‘Love the podcasts, mate.’ He told me, smiling one of his big smiles.
Arch joker Reg is about sixty; He is very tall – nearly seven feet – and rather self-conscious [...]
Sunday Best / May 11 2008
Have you ever pretended you were not in the house when someone was knocking on your door? That’s what Audrey and I were doing at 7:45 this morning when arch joker Reg, fulfilling the promise he made me last week, arrived to accompany me to Sunday Services at St Michael’s Church in the village.
Well, I [...]
Sunday Morning Excuses / May 4 2008
Audrey and I keep bumping into Reg and Hercules, his little Jack Russell terrier. I was flabbergasted this morning when he asked me: ‘Didn’t see you in church this morning, Napoleon. Something better to do, eh?’
‘Well . . . I was . . . erm . . .’
‘No excuses, mate. I‘ll see you there next [...]
A Tail of Two Doggies / April 23 2008
I have just been chatting to Reg. Instead of having to pretend to laugh at his awful gags, we were actually having a serious discussion. We were talking about dogging. (Google it.) According to the local press, the village has a serious dogging problem that is developing relatively unchecked.
The people who take part in this [...]
CCTV Fever / March 31 2008
‘Have you seen all the bloody cameras springing up all over the village?’ I was asked this morning. ‘Big Brother is watching you,’ he said.
It was Reg, the fellow who is always telling me old jokes – jokes not heard since the days of valve radio. He wasn’t joking this morning, though; he seemed genuinely [...]
