Gentleman Davy / July 22 2009
‘Thank you. You’re a gentleman.’
I was holding the door to the bank open for a pretty woman with bright red lipstick and perfume that smelled a bit German. ‘There aren’t many of us left, you know.’
‘You can say that again.’ She fluttered her long eyelashes and looked at me in a kittenish way that definitely [...]
Every Cloud / April 16 2009
Boy, it’s grim weather here today: heavy cloud and constant drizzle.
Looking out of the window I can see a massive, black, anvil-shaped monster of a thundercloud to the north just idly waiting until Audrey and I leave the house for our afternoon stroll around the park. It looks as if it is about to collapse [...]
Spring Break / March 25 2009
‘But you’re all right, aren’t you, father?’
‘Yes, of course I am, Audrey,’ I told my concerned little dog. ‘I’m just ever so slightly a bit exhausted. The doctor says I have been running myself into the ground and need to have a few days off just doing nothing.’
‘Oh,’ she barked, somewhat relieved, and went on [...]
Swing Low, Sweet Harriet / March 11 2009
Of course, now I’m obsessed with Harriet, the pretty youth worker with the broken bicycle that Audrey and I met the other day.
We spied her again yesterday evening. Once more, she was in the park (I went that way with the hopeful intent of bumping into her) with a small group of teenage girls.
This time [...]
Breaking The Cycle / March 5 2009
I love it when the local gang of teenage girls - who always seem to have recently bathed in the latest Eau de Bubblegum perfume - hang around the entrance to the park in the evenings, making rude and lascivious comments as one tries to get past them with one’s hairy dog.
‘Got any fags?’ ‘Is [...]
The Luck Of The Irish / February 8 2009
I don’t know if it’s fate, or if my Irish roots are failing me, but I have been having rather a bad run of luck recently.
This morning I broke my favourite mug. It was a big bright Claris Cliff beauty - worth about £100 - that cheers me up every day when I use it [...]
Quantum of Solace / October 22 2008
Frightening bruiser Kev was in the corner shop on Princess Avenue today when I went in to buy a pint of milk. ‘Come in for your porno mags?’ was his charming question.
‘Ha ha ha! I don’t buy porno mag . . . pornographic magazines.’
‘Oh yes you do.’
The fact that there was a strikingly handsome Asian [...]
Another Close Encounter / September 22 2008
“Hello again. Are you . . . Were you all right the other day? You seemed a little . . .”
“Oh, yes. No. Sorry about that; I’m having a few problems at home.”
“Oh, how unfortunate; never mind, I’m sure things will improve. Ha ha ha. Your little spaniel is as crazy as ever.”
“He’s going to [...]
Close Encounter / September 19 2008
‘Very pleased to meet you. Audrey and I have seen you a few times with your lively young spaniel. He’s very red. I like red – it’s my favourite colour. Actually, I have no idea why I said that; blue is my favourite colour. Or purple. Blue and purple. Red is a very nice colour, [...]
Bird Of Paradise / September 17 2008
While Audrey was trying to launch herself into the air as she barked at a herd of migrating geese on the rec’ this morning, I noticed a striking young woman walking an excited red spaniel.
We had never encountered her and her bouncing charge before - and I would certainly have noticed them; the woman was [...]
