Action Towards / July 9 2008
Audrey loves chasing cats, but has no idea what to do when she manages to catch up with them.
Do all dogs exhibit this kind of behaviour, or do some actually pick up their captured quarry in their drooling jaws and carry it home where it is, perhaps, eaten raw with a few dry biscuits as […]
Party Fears Two / July 2 2008
There were more celebrations somewhere on the other side of the rec’ last night. Audrey and I hate it when there is a house party nearby.
We do not enjoy the shouting, the horrible thumping music, or the inevitable screaming and brawling in the early hours that round these occasions off.
All of that pales into insignificance, […]
Fingers are for Pussies / November 14 2007
Audrey has a cat-friend who we often pass on our lunchtime walks. We christened the cute little tortoiseshell Clarence because he is slightly cross-eyed. (Remember Daktari?)
We always have to stop to say hello to him. The pair will have a polite sniff of each other and Clarence will gently rub up against Audrey in an […]
Poodle Nuisance / November 5 2007
Audrey gave a command performance this morning when a pretty little poodle tried to smell her private bits.
She was disgusted. ‘I’m jolly well not having that,’ she decided and promptly set about the poor thing, pinning it to the damp grass of the park and attempting to bite off its tiny nose.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I […]
Vertical Thinking / October 30 2007
Believe it or not, I have just had to rescue a dog from a tree – my dog, to be precise.
Audrey spotted a cat this morning and immediately gave chase. The poor thing was obviously terrified of such a fearsome hound, but when I caught up, it had disappeared into the relative safety of the […]
In Which Audrey Kicks Her Father in the Face / October 20 2007
Life and Death, Space and Time, Fate and Chance: these are the forces of the Universe – well, the more generally accepted ones, anyway. There is another, lesser-known universal force: Sleeping Dog; and I hereby propose that it is this force that is the Most Powerful of Them All.
Last night, Audrey, who sleeps next to […]
Fabulous Animals / October 5 2007
I popped down to the shops last night to buy porridge and apples and was confronted by an unusual sight. There is no night-life to speak of here in the village so I was astonished to see a gaggle of heavily made-up and garishly dressed young women standing around outside the pet shop.
They were being […]
Dogs? They Stink! / September 10 2007
Whilst we were enjoying a peaceful countryside amble yesterday, Audrey decided that it would be jolly good fun to roll around excitedly in some freshly-produced, bright green horse shit.
‘Oh my!’ I declared when she caught up with me. (Those were not my exact words.)
She looked up at me rather sheepishly with her big, brown eyes […]
Motorcycle Morons / April 13 2007
I’m beginning to sound like an old curmudgeon, moaning about this and that, but here I go again . . .
I bloody hate idiots. That is to say: I do not hate the unfortunate individuals who are idiotic in the medical sense, but in the general remedial sense and more specifically, idiots on motorbikes.
To specify […]
Puddle Jumper / January 18 2007
What is it with dogs and water? Well my dog, anyway. She just loves the stuff.
It has been raining heavily here for the past few days, and the BMX track on the ‘rec behind the house that Audrey and I presently call home, has become completely flooded. Whilst this is an immense disappointment for several […]
