Hot and Coldplay / July 1 2008
‘Davy!’ Reg was shouting at me from the other side of the street. ‘Are you deaf? Davy!’ I crossed the busy thoroughfare and greeted him. ‘Love the podcasts, mate.’ He told me, smiling one of his big smiles.
Arch joker Reg is about sixty; He is very tall – nearly seven feet – and rather self-conscious […]
Shop! Horror! / January 15 2007
What was, until recently, a small cake shop on the High Street here in the small Derbyshire town that Audrey and I call home, is soon to open its doors as an office/shop/surgery belonging to the representatives, members and officials of the local British National Party.
It has robust metal shutters protecting the windows and […]
Automatic Monkey Trousers / December 20 2006
What is that strange yelping sound in the background on songs by The Automatic?
It sounds like a monkey or something.
Me, I say this: Primates on pop songs?
No! It sounds pants.
Déjà Vu All Over Again / December 17 2006
While listening to various bands promote their singles on the radio recently, I have come to the conclusion that some remind me of several other acts:
The Feeling sound like Supertramp, or even worse, The Buggles;
Editors sound like Joy Division;
The Fratellis sound like Enormous;
Razorlight’s new single Before I Fall To Pieces sounds like they have been […]
The Truth About Fleas / December 16 2006
I bloody hate the Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
Lately, I’ve been listening to XFM on the radio of a morning while I’m working out. The Chilli Peppers’ atrocious music is played at least twice every hour, much to my chagrin. (I tried switching to Virgin Radio but that was even worse.)
I really haven’t the slightest idea […]
Something Wasted This Way Comes / December 1 2006
I bumped into my dear friend Nelson Galaxy in London at lunchtime today. He informed me that he is about to go into the studio to record an album of live acoustic numbers. Hurrah! Say I.
I was privileged to be present when he played some of his magnificent creations at a venue in the East […]
Dark Energy / November 17 2006
Many thanks to the mysterious force that is speeding up the expansion of the universe. Yes, I am well aware of the competing theories on the subject, but I must say I am wholly convinced that said force was universally responsible for drastically contracting the performance of We Are The World by Michael Jackson to […]
Man Alive / November 16 2006
I read here that Oscar winner George Clooney has been named the ‘sexiest man alive’ by US magazine People. Pah! I’ve been writing to said magazine for weeks now with my suggestion as to whom the award should have gone. ‘Napoleon Fantastic – sexiest man alive,’ I’ve been saying. Never heard a peep from them!
(Maybe […]
Fireworks: The Silent Killer / October 27 2006
It’s not something I’ve eaten; it’s not fumes from a boiler, it isn’t even fear of the bile that rises every time I hear ‘can I have your autograph, please – here, sign here’. It’s not the look of emulsion, it’s not the fact that she toyed with my heart like it was a toy […]
Judges / September 28 2006
I’ve been reading about Brazilian illegal Roselane Driza this morning, the scheming cleaner who has just been found guilty in London of blackmailing a couple of employees of the bench.
It emerges that the two judges in the explosive sex-video case were last night facing a legal probe and could be sacked.
It makes me wonder what […]
