Blue Skies / January 25 2008
For some reason, everything seems brighter this morning.
I felt refreshed when I awoke, which is unusual for me – I mostly wake up feeling more tired than when I went to bed. My first cup of tea of the day tasted like hot nectar, as if it had been brewed by naked Japanese virgins, and [...]
The Language of Love / November 4 2007
A drunken couple were fighting outside in the street at 2am this morning. I had been fast asleep but I couldn’t resist getting out of bed to have look out of the window.
The man had a beer bottle in his hand and was staggering around in the middle of the road. ‘I f***ing love you, [...]
Telling Teenage Fortunes / November 3 2007
No.15 You will spend the rest of your life wondering if you did the right thing.
Telling Teenage Fortunes / September 30 2007
No.13 You will solve mysteries.
Here is one of the answers you will discover:
Deep down, you are still an awkward kid.
Here is another:
Someone loves you.
International Incident / September 29 2007
‘She’s the one, Nelson.’
‘Pardon?’
‘She’s the one,’ I told him.
‘You’re an idiot,’ he said. ‘How do you know?’
‘Trust me; you know when you’ve found the one.’
‘You said that the last time; all those years ago – and the time before that. You thought they were “the one” too. How many ones can one have? Can one [...]
Love Compared / September 6 2007
Jeremy stopped by the studio with his French-Canadian paramour Clare yesterday. She is absolutely gorgeous.
‘Wow! Do fries come with that shake, Jez?’ I whispered in his ear, teasing him.
‘I won’t be able to help out anymore, guys,’ he said.
He went on to tell us, full of pride and barely-concealed excitement, that the two of them [...]
Nelson’s Column / June 11 2007
Nelson has been gloating over the fact that he was right about the dangers of dating and of the irresponsibility of asking out pretty girls who are in fact complete strangers.
‘Told you so,’ was the typical thrust of his comments to me yesterday.
‘You are becoming so gosh-darned good lately at offering spicy meatballs of precious advice, that [...]
Overture / June 9 2007
I’m so excited. I’m so exciting.
At four o’clock yesterday afternoon, I clumsily presented to my new potential life-partner - the fine-looking lollipop lady who performs her duties twice daily at the end of the street (I’m a sucker for a pretty girl in a hi-vis miniskirt) - a huge red lollipop. It was strawberry-flavoured. I [...]
Lollipop Lady Love / June 7 2007
I have fallen in love again.
It must be the weather - either that or just my normal, rampant, adenoidal yearnings.
This time it is with the new Lollipop Lady who stands outside the infants’ school at the end of our street, helping to guide cheerful little children across the busy public road every morning, shielding them from angry [...]
A Close Shave / February 21 2007
Larry Rudolph, Britney Spears’ manager, informs me that the troubled pop singer has gone back into rehab. Apparently, the poor girl checked into an unnamed facility at the request of her mother and other family members.
Britney has been trying to contact me periodically since her much-publicised split from erstwhile paramour Kevin Federline, but we haven’t [...]
