Cherry Outburst / August 22 2008
What is that constant ridiculous sound in the background of the Verve’s new single Love Is Noise? It sounds like a herd of geese. It makes Audrey bark like some kind of crazy female madman every time it is played on XFM. It ruins what is otherwise quite an average song.
Actually, I would rather like [...]
Evil Piers / March 28 2008
What is it with the Americans’ obsession with former tabloid editor Piers Morgan who has just won the US version of Celebrity Apprentice?
In the final programme, he described himself as an ‘evil, obnoxious, disgusting Brit.’ His assessment of his own character is nothing if not completely accurate. I would, however, replace the first two letters [...]
TV Model / March 1 2008
I keep forgetting things; it must be my age. Perhaps I’m going through the memorypause.
It completely slipped my mind that everybody’s favourite transvestite pop-punker Nelson Galaxy is now officially a model. I wish I had remembered to tell you this earlier because I am very proud of him for taking this unexpected left turn in [...]
Nelson Confined / November 15 2007
So there we both were: I had a weekend off and just stayed in getting drunk as a skunk on cheap red wine; and Nelson Galaxy celebrated his birthday by locking himself in his flat for five days doing more or less the same thing.
Me, I’m an old recluse and I was tired and ready [...]
Legless in London / October 12 2007
‘I was still completely rat-arsed when she walked straight past me. She had a bag on her head, fer God’s sake!’
Nelson has just got off the phone telling me how, after a yet another drunken night in the West End, he found himself standing outside the High Court in London early this morning when Heather [...]
Golden Handshake / October 10 2007
Once, after a meeting with our A+R man – the infamous punk rocker Gene October – we were whisked off to a busy London hostelry with drinking funds provided by our record company IRS Records. As I recall, I did not drink too much during that charming afternoon in Soho and neither did my fellow [...]
Galaxy Hotel / September 27 2007
‘Aaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!’
That was the rather alarming sound that was coming from an ugly little boy-child whom Audrey and I passed this morning. He did not want to go to school.
It sounded like someone was killing a pig. Audrey was most dismayed. ‘I’m not surprised he’s ugly,’ I whispered to her. ‘Look at his mother.’
The desperate woman [...]
Spice Rack / August 11 2007
Nelson rang at 9pm last night. He sounded a little down. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked him.
‘I’m out on the town again. West End,’ he told me.
‘I detect a certain ambivalence in your voice, Nel,’ I said. He told me that he was celebrating ‘all the possibilities that summer in this city offers in such charming [...]
Black and Blue / July 17 2007
I was in a public house on Park Lane in London with Nelson a few years ago when who should stroll in but disgraced former press baron Conrad Black.
I remember he had a very loud voice and was rude to everyone around him, especially the half-dozen or so nervous members of his young entourage, who [...]
Tour de Trafalgar / July 7 2007
Nelson was among the thousands of fans who gathered in Trafalgar Square for the opening ceremony of the 2007 Tour de France yesterday.
He says he agrees with me that it was a slightly sardonic choice of venue for the event considering that it is where Nelson’s Column (no relation) resides – a solemn and majestic [...]
