A Moment of Weakness / October 24 2008
She was a beautiful young woman from Montargis, a town at the heart of the Gâtinais region of France, just south of Paris.
If she could hear me now, this is what I would tell her:
‘Tu me manques.’
Quantum of Solace / October 22 2008
Frightening bruiser Kev was in the corner shop on Princess Avenue today when I went in to buy a pint of milk. ‘Come in for your porno mags?’ was his charming question.
‘Ha ha ha! I don’t buy porno mag . . . pornographic magazines.’
‘Oh yes you do.’
The fact that there was a strikingly handsome Asian [...]
I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost / October 12 2008
When I got back from London yesterday tired and weary, I picked the hairy one up from her grandma’s and drove home in heavy traffic trying hard not to fall asleep at the wheel.
‘I know it’s rather early, Audrey,’ I told her, ‘but I think I’m going to have to go to bed as soon [...]
Financial Crisis / October 8 2008
‘How much!? Twenty-six pounds and eighty-four pence!? Are you mentally ill?’
‘Twenty-six eighty-four, please.’
I spent a horrible few moments in the Co-op this morning when, arriving at the checkout, I discovered I had made a substantial miscalculation and did not have enough money to pay for the provisions in my basket.
‘These same items only came to [...]
Telling Teenage Fortunes / October 3 2008
No.24
Often, when you dream at night, you will discover you possess something extraordinary; something you didn’t realize you had.
This is what it is: grace.
Red Spaniels and Musclemen / September 29 2008
‘Good morning. Lovely day isn’t it.’
Damn, I thought. Damn! Damn! Damn!
When Audrey and I passed the frisky red spaniel this morning he was accompanied by an incredibly huge and rather frightening young man with a cleft chin and slicked-back hair. As they passed by I was tempted to form the immediate assumption that the proliferation [...]
Day/Off / September 28 2008
I tried to take a day off yesterday but ended up being busier than usual.
The thing is, I cannot actually remember doing anything terribly useful; nor can I report that I achieved anything even remotely significant throughout the entire day – despite the fact that I was constantly occupied. My days of rest always seem [...]
I Resign / September 23 2008
I really do not know whether to talk to the beautiful girl with the red spaniel again.
On the two occasions I have tried to strike up a conversation with her I turned into a slobbering numbskull, embarrassing myself and frightening her in the process.
It was even worse yesterday when, sensing rejection, Audrey took the initiative [...]
Cosy Power - In Which Davy Lawrence Finally Loses The Will To Live / August 29 2008
The day I have been dreading for ages has arrived. Reg has been hard at work practicing on his new drum kit and wants to book into the studio to record some ‘hot tracks’.
As Audrey and I were passing his house this morning, he erupted from his front door and pulled us inside. The interior [...]
They Nest / August 17 2008
Too many ants.
I don’t mind one or two about the place, they add a little ornamental detail to the kitchen surfaces, but the current situation was unacceptable.
The man from the council said I have a nest behind the oven. A veritable infestation. Not good.
I do not like killing insects. I cannot douse houseflies in insecticide [...]
