Jumbo Skill Crane / June 27 2008
I think bad spelling is depressing. It’s an illustration of failure, like drinking alone. But whereas the latter is always a rather serious affair, the former can often have humorous results.
Passing a small building site at seven o’clock this morning, I felt obliged to point out to Audrey a notice that had been attached to […]
Bizarre Smart Car Park Remark Lark / June 19 2008
I was tricked by a little old man today when I went into Alfreton to buy guitar strings.
He was a smartly dressed gentleman, balding with an impressive comb-over – a popular hairstyle around the East Midlands, parting his hair just below the armpit. He confronted me as I was getting out of the car. ‘I […]
The Men Who Loved Women / March 7 2008
I bumped into arch joker Reg and his diminutive, three-legged Jack Russell terrier Hercules in the park earlier today.
Hercules is so small, he looks like a tiny guinea pig as Audrey chases him around the flower beds. Although he does his very best to keep up with her, she is much too quick for him […]
Frosty Blossom / March 5 2008
It happens with increasing frequency now in this country, probably due to global warming: flowers begin to bloom earlier and earlier in the year having then to endure the shock of cold morning frosts. And it isn’t just the local flora that gets caught out in this way.
As is very often the case in Great […]
Water Torture / February 24 2008
My cousin was having a birthday party for her fiver-year-old son at the swimming baths in Mansfield yesterday and I had been cajoled into going along and joining in the ‘fun’.
I tried to get out of it. ‘I hate swimming. I can’t swim. And anyway I can’t go because I’ve got to iron my socks […]
Cocktail Shaker / February 22 2008
Here is a little advice for you.
Do not drink a banana, mango and pomegranate smoothie laced with evil tequila at seven in the evening and then embark upon a vigorous hour-long aerobic workout.
When said smoothie dramatically re-emerges at eight o’clock, pink and frothy and acid-sweet, it really is a regrettable spectacle.
If, however, you are intrigued […]
Lucky Underpants / February 12 2008
I was talking to a friend of mine this morning who had just returned from a job interview. She was worried that she hadn’t made a good impression on her prospective employers. ‘I just clammed up,’ she told me in despair.
I am exactly the opposite. I seldom attend such interviews, but when I do, I […]
Idiot Check / February 4 2008
When we are on the road with the band, to outsiders, it can seem that we are occasionally really cruel to the road crew. It isn’t something that I am particularly proud of, but, generally, chief roadie Tom - the thinnest and crustiest of all the roadies in the universe - and his lieutenants always […]
I See Dumb People / January 21 2008
As I was coming out of the Co-op today, I bumped into Reg, the aquatic troubleshooter, and I must say, my opinion of the fellow has changed.
After standing and chatting to him for a few minutes this morning, I realised that he is in fact a comedy genius.
He had noticed that I was becoming intensely […]
Peoms for Punky Pets ™ No.75 / January 17 2008
If you happened to read Jo Beaufoix’s post that I mentioned yesterday, you would have seen her mention the book that we have written together, Peoms for Punky Pets.
I have already alluded to it before; it is a book of silly, short verse about pets and animals that is aimed at children - but with […]
