Idiot Check / February 4 2008
When we are on the road with the band, to outsiders, it can seem that we are occasionally really cruel to the road crew. It isn’t something that I am particularly proud of, but, generally, chief roadie Tom - the thinnest and crustiest of all the roadies in the universe - and his lieutenants always [...]
Stinking Pitt / January 4 2008
I had a strange dream about Brad Pitt last night.
My band Enormous had a gig at the Royal College of Music and Brad, being a fan, had contacted our management to ask if he could come with us as part of our road crew – I think he was doing some research for a part [...]
Nobody’s Twisting his Arm / November 6 2007
What a big ponce Jimmy Page is for postponing Led Zeppelin’s eagerly-awaited reunion concert in London because of a minor fracture in his finger. He should call off the show completely – do us all a favour.
Once, when Enormous were on tour, the band’s clumsy rhythm guitarist O’Toole lost an arm in a silo explosion [...]
Golden Handshake / October 10 2007
Once, after a meeting with our A+R man – the infamous punk rocker Gene October – we were whisked off to a busy London hostelry with drinking funds provided by our record company IRS Records. As I recall, I did not drink too much during that charming afternoon in Soho and neither did my fellow [...]
Taxi for Mr Fantastic / September 22 2007
Slaughterhouse 5 were playing a gig at Falmouth College of Art a few years ago when a man in the audience died.
Every night on tour, in the dressing room, just before we took to the stage, I would say to my fellow band members: ‘Gentlemen, guitars on stun.’ I do not think, however, that our [...]
Dye Another Day / August 21 2007
I was planning on paying a visit to the chemist’s in the village today and to take again the opportunity to tease the little old lady who works there. (In my view, they charge a ridiculous price for some of the hair-care products that they stock.)
I need to purchase hair dye for the weekend. Nelson [...]
The Cream Also Rises / July 26 2007
I have just been scanning some old publicity shots for the Slaughterhouse 5 website and was reminded of another boozy photographic session we did with top rock photographer Ed Sirrs.
We were very in awe of the famous snapper; but although he was so well-respected within the industry and had such a glowing reputation, he wasn;t [...]
Fun On Tour: Garlic and Drugs and Rock’n'Roll / June 6 2007
Once, when Slaughterhouse 5 were playing in London, I remember telling Miles Copeland III Jnr (our big boss at the time, IRS Records head honcho, former manager of The Police and general all-round music business luminary) that he had bad breath.
I don’t think I really offended him. Thankfully, he took the statement as it was [...]
