Moaning Lisa / September 18 2008
I hate to moan, but . . .
About seven days after Nelson leaves me and Audrey behind to return to his luxury penthouse flat in London, I always get a little down – which is unusual for me.
Apart from when I have a hangover – when my cast-iron defences begin to crumble and fail – [...]
O Hold Me, Firm Earth / March 24 2008
I’m shocked. I simply could not believe it on Saturday when my Uncle Michael did me an enormous favour. We have hardly been on speaking terms for about fifteen years and it has been an established belief within the family that we hate each other’s guts.
Michael is a staunch supporter of the British National Party, [...]
The Man Behind The Curtain / February 21 2008
My brother has been talking recently about how he hates receiving visitors at his flat.
I reminded him yesterday of something he used to do, some rather bizarre behaviour that used to provide me with hours of endless amusement, all those years ago when we both lived at home.
He has always been a vaguely eccentric fellow [...]
Hand-Shaped Bruise / February 8 2008
‘Why aren’t you at school, Billy?’
I met the cheerful little youngster on the recreation ground this morning. He was on his knees trying to feed chewing gum to Audrey. ‘I don’t think dogs like gum, Billy,’ I told him. I asked again, ‘Why aren’t you at school?’ He ignored me a second time and increased [...]
Stinking Pitt / January 4 2008
I had a strange dream about Brad Pitt last night.
My band Enormous had a gig at the Royal College of Music and Brad, being a fan, had contacted our management to ask if he could come with us as part of our road crew – I think he was doing some research for a part [...]
Routine / January 2 2008
I admit it wasn’t the most exciting New Year’s Eve here in Mansfield’s distant hinterland, the ugly winter wonderland of Upper Humpington.
Nelson and I were both too tired, to be honest: we have been working so hard in the studio and did not have the energy to really enjoy ourselves. I can even remember walking [...]
New York or New Year / January 1 2008
‘But –’
I tried reasoning with him; it was having little effect.
‘But I just thought that this New Years Eve was gonna be amazing. You know: dancing girls and everything.’
‘Look, Nelson,’ I told him, ‘this is just a boring little Derbyshire village. We simply aren’t going to find what we’re looking for here – spiritually, aesthetically [...]
Whisky Echo / December 19 2007
The bottle of whisky that Scottish Brian gave me a few weeks ago was polished off last night. Surprisingly, I do not have a hangover at all. I do, however, have a bad case of indigestion – whisky always does that to me, especially Jack Daniels. As I was walking Audrey this morning, I was [...]
The Tell-Tale Lion / December 12 2007
‘Go on,’ she said, ‘nobody will see you.’
That was my mother – yes, my mother - egging me on to steal a small stone lion from the driveway of a derelict public house on the outskirts of the village yesterday.
‘He will look marvellous in our front garden,’ she insisted, nudging me ever forward.
‘Yes, but mum, [...]
Nelson Returns / December 7 2007
I’m feeling very full of sadness and loneliness presently. Nelson went back to London yesterday and Audrey and I are both missing him very badly.
His album is really taking shape now, we have about 15 songs that we have started recording and they sound truly amazing.
He is coming back to do more work on them [...]
