The Saliva of Civilisation / March 30 2008
Everybody spits around here; the streets and pavements are covered in luminous green globs of frothy phlegm. At times, the village resembles some kind of Wild West frontier town.
It is a local tradition that every member of the family – even the cats and dogs – devote at least one hour a day to the [...]
Everyday Things I Wish I Was Better at Doing / October 4 2007
6. Driving
I have never been the world’s best driver, but it is not my lack of basic driving ability to which I refer here. More specifically, it is the fact that I am so bad at being able to sound a car’s horn properly whenever the need arises.
My driving instructor Kevin - who was so [...]
Everyday Things I Wish I Was Better at Doing / August 20 2007
5. Swimming
In my dreams, I am a musclebound Olympic gold-medal swimmer (well, am I not the hero of my own life-story?), but I am forced to admit that, in reality, I am nothing of the sort. I am exceptionally bad at any form of natation.
I annoy myself for being this way because most of my [...]
Everyday Things . . . / July 25 2007
4. Smalltalk
I am not very proficient at any kind of social interaction – even after consuming considerable amounts of alcohol, but I am especially bad at smalltalk.
One would imagine that, in walking Audrey three of four times a day - usually in busy areas such as the park or the rec’ or the market place [...]
Everyday Things I Wish I Was Better At Doing / July 14 2007
3. Dancing.
I am not referring here to such stylised examples of the art of dancing like salsa or ballroom dancing (I tried that once, but I kept standing on my partner’s knees); it is the more informal category known as disco dancing at which I am so bad. Neither am I talking about professional disco-dancing. [...]
Everyday Things . . . / July 5 2007
2. Whistling
I have always felt very envious when, at gigs or sporting galas, someone emits a piercing whistle in appreciation of the events that are unfolding before them. To be in possession of such a skill must make them exceptionally proud.
This type of noise – the big whistle - is something I have never mastered. [...]
Everyday Things I Wish I Was Better At Doing / July 4 2007
This is an informal list that I shall be updating periodically. It is an inventory of ordinary, day-to-day activities at which I sincerely wish I was more proficient. In not being able to accomplish these things properly, I would not say that I feel any less adequate or fulfilled; I would merely be marginally more [...]
