White Dopes on Punk / June 18 2008
Aren’t teenagers great.
Whilst wandering through the park with Audrey yesterday evening, a group of adolescents dressed as a cross between Marilyn Manson and street urchins from Oliver Twist, thought it would be fun to shout abuse at us from the relative safety of the dilapidated bandstand in which they had ensconced themselves to smoke joints, [...]
Mood Swings and Elevators / June 15 2008
Punk drummer Sonny Starr paid the studio a visit yesterday. I was incredibly busy as usual and did not have the time to pay him much attention or to patronise him in the way to which he has become accustomed.
After he’d finished telling me about how he’d had a ‘right good blow-job’ from a member [...]
Bass Player Still Wanted / April 5 2008
I have had several enquiries from people regarding the bass player position in Enormous. Unfortunately, none have been suitable so far.
I feel I must point out that we are looking for someone who can not only play the bass guitar but also someone who knows what such an instrument actually is. (Morag from South Wales: [...]
Drug Dealer / March 27 2008
‘No hairdye today, Mr Fantastic?’ The disagreeable individual who manages the village chemist shop was shouting after me as I was closing his door. I hate him.
He was trying to embarrass me but it’s something that will never happen.
A middle-aged woman was entering the shop as I was leaving; she let a smile win her [...]
How It Hangs / December 13 2007
When you get to my age, thirty-five (Eh!? – Ed.), hangovers take on a malevolent character and can be very debilitating.
Nelson returned to London over a week ago and I am only now beginning to feel human again. I blame him - out of pure expediency, naturally - for being a bad influence on me [...]
In With the Down-and-Outs / September 8 2007
I never know whether to give money to homeless people or not.
‘Spare change, mate?’ I was asked this morning by a dirty and disease-ridden beggar who was loitering outside the Co-op.
‘Yes, thank you,’ I replied and continued on my way wearing a wry smile of childish satisfaction.
I felt awful on my return to the house, [...]
Fun On Tour: Garlic and Drugs and Rock’n'Roll / June 6 2007
Once, when Slaughterhouse 5 were playing in London, I remember telling Miles Copeland III Jnr (our big boss at the time, IRS Records head honcho, former manager of The Police and general all-round music business luminary) that he had bad breath.
I don’t think I really offended him. Thankfully, he took the statement as it was [...]
An Apology / May 19 2007
I have been advised by my lawyers to issue an official apology.
(Solicitors and lawyers – in the main a drain on society – can at times offer useful advice.)
It appears that my reporting of Nelson Galaxy’s drunken night out in London’s Soho with a famous French movie star, and the surprising revelation that said movie [...]
L’Etoile Mystérieuse / May 16 2007
Nelson is back home in London now and he rang today to tell me of a stimulating evening he spent in the company of a famous French movie-star.
‘I can’t tell you who it is, Nap, but suffice it to say, he is very, very well-known and respected,’ he told me over the phone.
Apparently, they spent [...]
Guilty, M’Lud / May 9 2007
Nelson Galaxy tells me he bumped into George Michael as he was leaving Brent Magistrates’ Court in London yesterday. ‘He didn’t look guilty,’ reported Nelson.
But there really is no reason for George to be contrite, is there? His offensive driving only came about – allegedly – because of tiredness and ‘prescribed’ drugs; so one would [...]
