Romano Di Natale / January 4 2009
‘Hey, Reg, had a nice Christmas? What did Santa Claus bring you?’
Audrey immediately pounced on Hercules, my elderly friend’s tiny little Jack Russel, and proceeded to demonstrate to him how fast real dogs can run, as Reg began reeling off a long list: ‘Fondue set from my sister in Chester; sock and handkerchiefs from another [...]
Woofers And Tweeters / October 29 2008
Audrey loves to chase birds in the park – especially the big black crows that flap and fly away and laugh at her from the plane trees beyond the long grass. She has of course yet to catch one.
This morning she startled a wood pigeon that was quietly minding its own business pecking at the [...]
Another Close Encounter / September 22 2008
“Hello again. Are you . . . Were you all right the other day? You seemed a little . . .”
“Oh, yes. No. Sorry about that; I’m having a few problems at home.”
“Oh, how unfortunate; never mind, I’m sure things will improve. Ha ha ha. Your little spaniel is as crazy as ever.”
“He’s going to [...]
Close Encounter / September 19 2008
‘Very pleased to meet you. Audrey and I have seen you a few times with your lively young spaniel. He’s very red. I like red – it’s my favourite colour. Actually, I have no idea why I said that; blue is my favourite colour. Or purple. Blue and purple. Red is a very nice colour, [...]
Bird Of Paradise / September 17 2008
While Audrey was trying to launch herself into the air as she barked at a herd of migrating geese on the rec’ this morning, I noticed a striking young woman walking an excited red spaniel.
We had never encountered her and her bouncing charge before - and I would certainly have noticed them; the woman was [...]
Hendrix In Nottingham / September 4 2008
I was in Nottingham yesterday buying some Doc Martens when I noticed a heavily tattooed man cleaning the big front windows of Debenhams department store in Slab Square. It was none other than disgusting punk troubadour Hendrix Sikboy.
Dressed in black leather and sporting a huge peroxide hairdo, he was shouting the lyrics to the Sex [...]
Evil Beings In Rural England / August 6 2008
After our morning walk today, Audrey and I were just going in the front door when a frighteningly ugly bull terrier escaped from its frighteningly ugly female owner and, teeth bared, launched itself across the road in our direction. Thankfully, we made it safely inside, and I was able to close the door just as [...]
Action Towards / July 9 2008
Audrey loves chasing cats, but has no idea what to do when she manages to catch up with them.
Do all dogs exhibit this kind of behaviour, or do some actually pick up their captured quarry in their drooling jaws and carry it home where it is, perhaps, eaten raw with a few dry biscuits as [...]
Sunday Morning Excuses / May 4 2008
Audrey and I keep bumping into Reg and Hercules, his little Jack Russell terrier. I was flabbergasted this morning when he asked me: ‘Didn’t see you in church this morning, Napoleon. Something better to do, eh?’
‘Well . . . I was . . . erm . . .’
‘No excuses, mate. I‘ll see you there next [...]
The Men Who Loved Women / March 7 2008
I bumped into arch joker Reg and his diminutive, three-legged Jack Russell terrier Hercules in the park earlier today.
Hercules is so small, he looks like a tiny guinea pig as Audrey chases him around the flower beds. Although he does his very best to keep up with her, she is much too quick for him [...]
