Too Much To Dream / August 3 2008
I had too much to dream again last night.
At one point, I was scampering around a meadow playing tig with a herd of cows. The enormous black and white beasts that produce double cream were easy to catch and I had no problem tigging them as they drunkenly lumbered about their field. Their light-footed and [...]
He Wants To Believe More / July 30 2008
Septuagenarian arch joker and conspiracy theorist Reg has been telling me more about the alien spacecraft he is convinced made a crash landing recently in the Derbyshire hills just outside of Blackwell. I bumped into him yesterday as he was jumping off the Alfreton bus.
‘Hey, Davy, look at this what I’ve just bought!’ His voice [...]
Cutting Remarks / July 14 2008
As I was coming out of the Cut Above Barbershop in the market place with Audrey this morning, shocked and embarrassed by my unwelcome reflection in the shop window, my arm was suddenly grasped from behind and I was pulled roughly backwards on to the pavement.
‘Saved you there, boss.’ It was Reg. A woman in [...]
Trailer Trash / June 7 2008
Some detestable moron-cum-idiot was driving away with a large open-backed trailer attached to his flashy Land Rover earlier today from the entrance to the lane that Audrey and I like to wander along towards the babbling brook in the bottom of the Amber Valley. He had just finished dumping on to the wooded path several [...]
Sticky Eruption / March 13 2008
I was mugged this morning by one of the plucky eco-protestors who are trying to save Pinxton Tar Pits from commercial redevelopment.
‘I hate doing this . . .’
‘Don’t do it, then,’ I interrupted.
‘. . . but could you spare some cash?’ he asked rather sheepishly. ‘I ain’t eaten since yesterday.’
I blinked. ‘Neither have I. It’s [...]
Gorgeous Morning Horse-Course Caller / January 10 2008
I have just signed up for a month of horse-riding lessons. I have no idea why.
I shall have to ring Amber Valley School of Horse Riding later today to cancel. The thing is: I was seduced by a pretty woman who knocked on the door this morning while I was eating my porridge.
She was going [...]
Company of Wolves / November 30 2007
Nelson is arriving today to continue work on his album and to force me into drinking too much alcohol. (That’s never been difficult! – Ed.)
Audrey really loves seeing her Uncle Nelson too. She loves to show him all the new paths she has recently discovered when he accompanies us on our big lunchtime walks around [...]
The Beast of Blackwell / October 8 2007
Blackwell is a pleasant village with a pretty Protestant church surrounded by fields around which Audrey and I often perambulate at midday. Recently, there have been several sightings by local residents and ramblers of a large, wild, black, cat-like creature that has apparently adopted the area as its home.
The appearance of similar reclusive animals has [...]
Foxes / September 17 2007
When Audrey and I were out in the frosty and deserted Derbyshire fields that border the village at 6:30am today enjoying a particularly early morning walk, we happened upon a family of foxes.
It was an amazing and inspiring thing to see. We sometimes see individual foxes when we are out and about around Townend Farm, [...]
Petticoat Junction / February 11 2007
I’m confused.
Audrey and I live very close to a major junction on the M1. A footpath we sometimes follow around the intersection on our afternoon walk takes us almost to the very edge of the motorway before leading us over the vast, thundering road system by means of a narrow footbridge which emerges on the [...]
