Cold Words In Suburbia / September 14 2008
‘I could really do with some help – I’m a bloody pensioner.’
‘Why, what’s wrong, Reg? Are you feeling the credit crunch?’
He tried to sneer and laugh at the same time, distorting his face into a mask of comical omniscience. ‘What? Credit Crunch?’ He pronounced the phrase as if it were the most ridiculous he had [...]
See The Idiot Cry / April 18 2008
I am haunted by stupidity.
The moron who lives a few doors down from me delights the residents of our street by allowing his car alarm to go off every hour or so. This has been going on for weeks now; he seems not to care that he is annoying people – especially me – beyond [...]
Wait Watchers / April 14 2008
I had to catch a bus into Alfreton this morning and found myself waiting for about ninety minutes before I eventually got on one. I was so happy, I felt like bursting into song.
What annoyed me more than the actual waiting-time was the fact that I was being watched by two obese women with greasy [...]
I’ve Got The Hump / February 11 2008
The roadworks that have been taking place intermittently on our street for the past month have resulted in the appearance of several raised humps intended to act as traffic-calming measures.
One of these ludicrously insubstantial bulges in the road’s surface has been positioned directly outside my house. The low-frequency noise that was generated daily during its [...]
Doorbell Blues / December 15 2007
‘Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!’
That is what I hear about once every hour when someone calls at the house next door. My neighbour Mary has installed her special Christmas doorbell just as she did last year at this time and by the end of today I shall most likely have taken my [...]
Karaoke Wonderland / December 11 2007
Nelson and I went in practically every pub in the village while he was here. Each one was smothered in cheap and garish Christmas decorations and each one had a loud and disagreeable karaoke machine in the corner – well not so much a machine, more a man with a moustache and some shabby equipment. [...]
A Village Defined / September 19 2007
Following on from yesterday’s post, I have been thinking a lot about where Audrey and I live and work.
I quite liked this unassuming, little, ex-mining village when we first moved here. It made a change from the tourist hustle and bustle of Newark where we used to live. It made me very sad when I [...]
It’s Witchcraft / August 22 2007
So I went to buy my hairdye this morning and could not believe my eyes when I was in the shop.
Since my last trip there, and my discussion with the elderly assistant over the disproportionate price difference between the male- and female-intended products, the cost of said items has vastly increased.
Just For Men, which previously [...]
A Streetcar Named Retire / June 18 2007
There is a generally held opinion in this country that elderly drivers should be required to re-take their driving tests once they reach a certain age. I would go further and ban them entirely.
One doddering old codger nearly ran over me and Audrey this morning as we were enjoying our early walk. He looked about [...]
Bad Hair Day / June 2 2007
I have just made my hairdresser cry. She was only a young girl – a trainee, I believe.
‘Very short, please. About a one-inch-length all over.’ I told her upon my arrival at the new and very cheerful little barbers in the village. It costs a modest £5 to have one’s hair fashioned and styled at [...]
