Legless in London / October 12 2007
‘I was still completely rat-arsed when she walked straight past me. She had a bag on her head, fer God’s sake!’
Nelson has just got off the phone telling me how, after a yet another drunken night in the West End, he found himself standing outside the High Court in London early this morning when Heather [...]
Fruit / September 12 2007
I do not watch much television, but I must say that seeing Dannii Minogue on The X-Factor on Saturday evening didn’t half make me feel fruity.
I used to quite fancy Kylie, but my attention has now been drawn to her dark-haired sibling. She reminds me somewhat of my ex-wife who, if the truth be told, [...]
Spice Rack / August 11 2007
Nelson rang at 9pm last night. He sounded a little down. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked him.
‘I’m out on the town again. West End,’ he told me.
‘I detect a certain ambivalence in your voice, Nel,’ I said. He told me that he was celebrating ‘all the possibilities that summer in this city offers in such charming [...]
It’s not the Paris Hilton / June 5 2007
It is in fact a Los Angeles County jail in Lynwood, California.
‘I’m definitely scared, but I’m ready to face my sentence,’ Ms Hilton told reporters on the red carpet at the MTV Movie Awards only hours before the 26-year-old heiress turned herself into authorities on Sunday.
She may be rich, and she is certainly very pretty, but Nelson [...]
L’Etoile Mystérieuse / May 16 2007
Nelson is back home in London now and he rang today to tell me of a stimulating evening he spent in the company of a famous French movie-star.
‘I can’t tell you who it is, Nap, but suffice it to say, he is very, very well-known and respected,’ he told me over the phone.
Apparently, they spent [...]
Lollipop Lollipop / May 2 2007
Nelson Galaxy and I were in San Diego yesterday.
Nelson is launching a new range of lollipops aimed at the musical sweet-toothed transvestite market and he had a meeting with some Californian venture capitalists who are interested in investing in his fruity idea. He took me along for moral support. He was showing off a little, [...]
Oblique Angles / April 27 2007
Whilst it has often been said that yours truly bears more than a casual resemblance to the Hollywood actor Hugh Grant, it is also slightly less commonly accepted that of the two of us, I am the one who is the better looking. (It’s the angular cheekbones, don’t you know.)
I was reminding the bouncing Audrey [...]
Dreamboat / April 6 2007
Last night I dreamed I was marooned at sea in a small boat. With me were Nelson Galaxy - Big Arena Records’ glamorous and angst-ridden transvestite songwriter, my dog Audrey and Brad Pitt.
We were in the Iranian Ocean and I remember feeling very queasy; it was like being drunk, when the ground becomes variable. Audrey [...]
Pictures of Tom / April 4 2007
I was sorting through some band publicity photographs today and I came across some glossy prints of Tom Waits that I acquired ages ago.
They were taken by UK photographer Ed Sirrs in LA for a feature in the NME in 1993. He gave some of the prints to me years later as a present.
I mention [...]
Morrissey: Nil Points / February 25 2007
I must say that I am very disappointed to hear that former Smiths singer Morrissey will not after all be involved with the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest. In January, the BBC said it was talking to the singer to write and possibly perform a Eurovision track but now says he ‘definitely will not’ be involved.
I [...]
