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Too Much To Dream / August 3 2008
I had too much to dream again last night.
At one point, I was scampering around a meadow playing tig with a herd of cows. The enormous black and white beasts that produce double cream were easy to catch and I had no problem tigging them as they drunkenly lumbered about their field. Their light-footed and [...]
David Duchovny Ate My Hamster / July 31 2008
We are supposed to enjoy something of a temperate climate here in the UK but it is becoming more and more extreme.
It is so cold around here in the winter that rainbows freeze to the ground; poor kids chip off pieces of their favourite colours for a Christmas treat and lick them until they’re white. [...]
Lead In My Pencil / July 27 2008
I had some oysters yesterday. Fresh and big and full of the taste of the sea.
My actor friend Hamilton Bentley paid Audrey and me a visit. He came to boast about his part as an extra in the new British film Donkey Punch. He recounted how he had asked the director for a line and [...]
Action Towards / July 9 2008
Audrey loves chasing cats, but has no idea what to do when she manages to catch up with them.
Do all dogs exhibit this kind of behaviour, or do some actually pick up their captured quarry in their drooling jaws and carry it home where it is, perhaps, eaten raw with a few dry biscuits as [...]
Party Fears Two / July 2 2008
There were more celebrations somewhere on the other side of the rec’ last night. Audrey and I hate it when there is a house party nearby.
We do not enjoy the shouting, the horrible thumping music, or the inevitable screaming and brawling in the early hours that round these occasions off.
All of that pales into insignificance, [...]
A Nautical Theme / June 26 2008
Audrey and I passed an old man near the shops this morning who had apparently just fallen over. He was already being helped by several people so I did not feel obliged to stay and offer any assistance myself.
Moving on, towards the post office (I had several letters to post and needed to stock up [...]
Are You Unexperienced? / June 11 2008
A photocopied leaflet was pushed through the letterbox earlier today which informed the reader: Wanted! Unexperienced person who are proffesionel 2 work for local company delivering leaflet’s door 2 door. Experience not nessasery as training will be given. Good rate’s of pay. Salery negotiated. Call ring or telephone 693214. You’re reprisentitive is, KAREN.
I was sorely [...]
Trailer Trash / June 7 2008
Some detestable moron-cum-idiot was driving away with a large open-backed trailer attached to his flashy Land Rover earlier today from the entrance to the lane that Audrey and I like to wander along towards the babbling brook in the bottom of the Amber Valley. He had just finished dumping on to the wooded path several [...]
Sunday Morning Excuses / May 4 2008
Audrey and I keep bumping into Reg and Hercules, his little Jack Russell terrier. I was flabbergasted this morning when he asked me: ‘Didn’t see you in church this morning, Napoleon. Something better to do, eh?’
‘Well . . . I was . . . erm . . .’
‘No excuses, mate. I‘ll see you there next [...]
Napoleon Solo / May 2 2008
Episode 2 of the Big Arena Records weekly podcast is now online. This is the second one featuring yours truly, alone in the studio with my trusty acoustic.
I’m singing another song from the Enormous album Electric Baby Grand, a slightly less mettlesome track this time – a ballad, in fact: Things I Can’t Forget.
It is [...]
