A Flock Of Beetles / August 31 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Beetles have left the studio.
Last night, the two biggest ones – I named them John and Yoko – gathered their little brood of beetle-children about them and headed off from their quarters in the mixing desk to pastures new.
The situation had become intolerable: one simply cannot have enormous insects making their […]
The Fifth Beetle / August 20 2008
No, not George Martin or George Best, but a beetle, an actual beetle.
(His beetle-name could, I suppose, be George; but ultimately there is no way of knowing.)
I’ve counted five of the little blighters in the past few days - one, two, three, four, and five – on the mixing desk. It could be the same […]
David Duchovny Ate My Hamster / July 31 2008
We are supposed to enjoy something of a temperate climate here in the UK but it is becoming more and more extreme.
It is so cold around here in the winter that rainbows freeze to the ground; poor kids chip off pieces of their favourite colours for a Christmas treat and lick them until they’re white. […]
Action Towards / July 9 2008
Audrey loves chasing cats, but has no idea what to do when she manages to catch up with them.
Do all dogs exhibit this kind of behaviour, or do some actually pick up their captured quarry in their drooling jaws and carry it home where it is, perhaps, eaten raw with a few dry biscuits as […]
Party Fears Two / July 2 2008
There were more celebrations somewhere on the other side of the rec’ last night. Audrey and I hate it when there is a house party nearby.
We do not enjoy the shouting, the horrible thumping music, or the inevitable screaming and brawling in the early hours that round these occasions off.
All of that pales into insignificance, […]
Dog’s Fog Jog Hog Shock / February 10 2008
It was very foggy at 8:am this morning when Audrey and I were jogging around the park.
About half-way around, I noticed that she was no longer following me; she had stopped to inspect something underneath one of the wild rosebushes that border the dilapidated tennis courts. She was only about 10 metres behind me along […]
Peoms for Punky Pets ™ No.75 / January 17 2008
If you happened to read Jo Beaufoix’s post that I mentioned yesterday, you would have seen her mention the book that we have written together, Peoms for Punky Pets.
I have already alluded to it before; it is a book of silly, short verse about pets and animals that is aimed at children - but with […]
Fingers are for Pussies / November 14 2007
Audrey has a cat-friend who we often pass on our lunchtime walks. We christened the cute little tortoiseshell Clarence because he is slightly cross-eyed. (Remember Daktari?)
We always have to stop to say hello to him. The pair will have a polite sniff of each other and Clarence will gently rub up against Audrey in an […]
Poodle Nuisance / November 5 2007
Audrey gave a command performance this morning when a pretty little poodle tried to smell her private bits.
She was disgusted. ‘I’m jolly well not having that,’ she decided and promptly set about the poor thing, pinning it to the damp grass of the park and attempting to bite off its tiny nose.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I […]
Vertical Thinking / October 30 2007
Believe it or not, I have just had to rescue a dog from a tree – my dog, to be precise.
Audrey spotted a cat this morning and immediately gave chase. The poor thing was obviously terrified of such a fearsome hound, but when I caught up, it had disappeared into the relative safety of the […]
