Beware of the Flowers / August 18 2008
The Forces of Evil that control the village have gone health-and-safety crazy.
The park that Audrey and I usually stroll around for our morning exercise has been recently fenced-off from the outside world. It is now heavily defended against drunken toddlers or Romany invaders, but today, the big iron gates at the Princess Avenue entrance that are usually left open twenty-four hours, seven days-a-week, were closed. They had been secured with a colossal metal chain and padlock, barring our egress on to the bowling greens and flowerbeds of Audrey’s favourite recreational space.
The reason? The district council were cutting the grass and pruning the roses.
Some bureaucratic imbecile at the Town Hall had apparently deemed it too dangerous for visitors fearing they may wander into the path of one of the big red-and-green lawnmowers and lose a limb, or puncture a major artery on a dead-headed rosebush and bleed to death or trip on a fuchsia and snap their spine.
The look on my puzzled little dog’s face was one of cheerless frustration and disappointment; the look on my face was slightly less resigned.
To make it up to her, we walked via the school playing-fields to the shops where I treated her to a colourful packet of chews made from pigs’ nerves.
Filed under Annoyances / Audrey / English Village Life
Comments
One comment on “Beware of the Flowers”
Nelson Galaxy / August 18th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Best to be careful. You don’t want Audrey ending up under a giant lawnmower, do you? It would certainly take off her little beard.
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