Meanwhile, Back at the Ponderosa / August 14 2008
I should have known it was going to be one of those days. This morning began very poorly.
I received bad news in an email first thing which depressed me; then, in attempting to pick up the freshly excreted contents of Audrey’s bowels on the rec’, the poo-bag broke and I got the stuff all over my hand; finally, outside the Co-op in the village, I tripped and twisted my ankle. Swearing, I stumbled forward awkwardly into a pretty girl on her way to work and, in an effort to steady myself, placed my stinking hand on her left breast. I apologised profusely but it was not a thing of any grace.
‘It’s okay,’ she said softly. But as she spoke I saw the overlapping terror and disgust in her face.
Then everything changed: As we returned home, the rain stopped and a warm sun rose in the east. A strange man was on a ladder doing something to the upstairs windows of the house. It transpired that he was not in fact a Jehovah’s Burglar as was my immediate assumption but a window cleaner who was attending to the wrong address. ‘Lovely morning,’ he commented. ‘Sorry for the mix-up - I won’t charge you a penny.’
Best of all was when I sat down to enjoy my ten o’clock latte. A severely mini-skirted Danni Minogue was being interviewed on the television and she was sitting on a tiny stool that forced her into revealing about eight feet of antipodean upper-thigh.
Marvellous.
I might even put on my treasured recording of Morecambe and Wise singing Bring Me Sunshine a little later and give the little Fantastic Fireman a vigorous workout after I have finished writing this.
Filed under Annoyances / Dannii Minogue / Mornings
Comments
3 comments on “Meanwhile, Back at the Ponderosa”
Nelson Galaxy / August 14th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
How is the little Fireman? Has his rash cleared up? Little little fireman. I hope you washed the poo off your hands first.
Napoleon Fantastic / August 15th, 2008 at 10:59 am
Nelson, you disgust me.
Nelson Galaxy / August 15th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I disgust myself.
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