A Flock Of Beetles / August 31 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Beetles have left the studio.
Last night, the two biggest ones – I named them John and Yoko – gathered their little brood of beetle-children about them and headed off from their quarters in the mixing desk to pastures new.
The situation had become intolerable: one simply cannot have enormous insects making their [...]
Cosy Power - In Which Davy Lawrence Finally Loses The Will To Live / August 29 2008
The day I have been dreading for ages has arrived. Reg has been hard at work practicing on his new drum kit and wants to book into the studio to record some ‘hot tracks’.
As Audrey and I were passing his house this morning, he erupted from his front door and pulled us inside. The interior [...]
Valve Compressors and Angry Bees / August 28 2008
What the hell is happening in the control-room?
Insects and other creepy-crawlies love it in there: spiders, earwigs, flies, beetles, even Audrey – who is, of course, not an insect – has chosen an area under the mixing desk as her favourite sleeping-place in the whole house. And whenever anyone comes to visit, they always gravitate [...]
Presidential Statement / August 27 2008
I bumped into Reg yesterday. He was sitting on the wooden bench outside the health centre eating a black pudding and beetroot sandwich that I guessed he had just purchased from the Asian off-licence. He was reading a copy of The Sun.
‘I don’t know how you can eat that crap,’ I told him. ‘There are [...]
Telling Teenage Fortunes / August 25 2008
No.21
You will discover you have a talent for confusing people.
On the Fantastic hi-fi today:
Sam’s Town – The Killers
All That Glitters / August 24 2008
As I was passing the recycling bins in the car park of the Co-op - that comically provincial supermarket full of half-price frozen fagots-in-gravy and Aunt Bessie’s Traditional Yorkshire Puddings - I spotted Reg, who was emptying bags of what looked like CDs into one of them. ‘Getting rid of all the crap,’ he commented.
‘I [...]
Cherry Outburst / August 22 2008
What is that constant ridiculous sound in the background of the Verve’s new single Love Is Noise? It sounds like a herd of geese. It makes Audrey bark like some kind of crazy female madman every time it is played on XFM. It ruins what is otherwise quite an average song.
Actually, I would rather like [...]
Early Warning / August 21 2008
ENORMOUS have a big gig coming up in November.
It’s quite a while away but I’m telling you now as it’s tickets only and will probably sell out.
Here are the details: New Romantics B-Movie are playing at The Town Mill in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire on Thursday 20th November with support from recently reformed pop stompers ENORMOUS - [...]
The Fifth Beetle / August 20 2008
No, not George Martin or George Best, but a beetle, an actual beetle.
(His beetle-name could, I suppose, be George; but ultimately there is no way of knowing.)
I’ve counted five of the little blighters in the past few days - one, two, three, four, and five – on the mixing desk. It could be the same [...]
Beware of the Flowers / August 18 2008
The Forces of Evil that control the village have gone health-and-safety crazy.
The park that Audrey and I usually stroll around for our morning exercise has been recently fenced-off from the outside world. It is now heavily defended against drunken toddlers or Romany invaders, but today, the big iron gates at the Princess Avenue entrance that [...]
