Cutting Remarks / July 14 2008
As I was coming out of the Cut Above Barbershop in the market place with Audrey this morning, shocked and embarrassed by my unwelcome reflection in the shop window, my arm was suddenly grasped from behind and I was pulled roughly backwards on to the pavement.
‘Saved you there, boss.’ It was Reg. A woman in a blue Mini Cooper was about to reverse into me and I had not noticed her. Had it not been for Reg, my pot-bellied protector, I would have been severely injured. He nodded at the car as it drove off. ‘Women,’ he said with a wink.
‘Creative drivers.’
‘Not as creative as your hairdresser,’ he observed, with mock gravity.
I have suffered some terrible haircuts in my time – especially the ones I have attempted to do myself, the horrifying results of which will be forever fixed in my mind with indelible precision – but on this occasion, I was reasonably satisfied with my new style, even though it was too short and not what I had asked for.
Reg winced. He attempted in a comical pantomime to shield his eyes from my appearance, as if I were deformed or had mutated into a monster.
For some reason, I could not sympathise with his familiar humour: his remarks made me feel empty and strangely dislocated from my surroundings. ‘I must deliver myself of your leave, Reginald,’ I told him. ‘Audrey’s Monday morning visit to her little brook is an hour overdue.’
‘Okay. Bye.’ He looked puzzled.
I felt guilty by not laughing at Reg’s playful jibes; but my spirits lifted as my little companion and I continued on our way towards the sheep fields and hedgerows and thorny lanes of Townend Farm and to the hectic, green fertility of the Amber Valley beyond.
Filed under British Countryside / Embarrassment / English Village Life / Reg
Comments
2 comments on “Cutting Remarks”
Nelson Galaxy / July 14th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
I thought your mum cut your hair for you. Do what I do and never cut it - saves any visits to the hair dressers - which I hate, really hate.
Napoleon Fantastic / July 14th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Get your hair cut, Nelson.
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