Telling Teenage Fortunes / June 12 2008
No.18
An ugly Eng. Lit. teacher with bad breath and spectacles from Coca-Cola will accuse you of being ‘the most arrogant person in the world’.
She will not be aware, however, that what she took to be youthful arrogance is in fact abject insecurity.
Are You Unexperienced? / June 11 2008
A photocopied leaflet was pushed through the letterbox earlier today which informed the reader: Wanted! Unexperienced person who are proffesionel 2 work for local company delivering leaflet’s door 2 door. Experience not nessasery as training will be given. Good rate’s of pay. Salery negotiated. Call ring or telephone 693214. You’re reprisentitive is, KAREN.
I was sorely [...]
What’s That Coming Over The Hill? / June 9 2008
Over the past few months, I have received several messages from readers questioning my integrity and asking if my poor, benighted fellow inhabitants of this Derbyshire village really are as unpleasant and disagreeable as I sometimes render them. I have, on more than one occasion, been accused of demonising innocent unfortunates who are doing nothing [...]
Telling Teenage Fortunes / June 8 2008
No.17
You will begin to accept that trolley-boy – bingo caller – astronaut is not a well-established career path.
Trailer Trash / June 7 2008
Some detestable moron-cum-idiot was driving away with a large open-backed trailer attached to his flashy Land Rover earlier today from the entrance to the lane that Audrey and I like to wander along towards the babbling brook in the bottom of the Amber Valley. He had just finished dumping on to the wooded path several [...]
Episode 7 / June 6 2008
Episode 7 of the Big Arena Records podcast is now on line. This week, the song I’m playing is Believe Her - another track from Electric Baby Grand.
I love this song. It’s a very simple and uncomplicated little tune, the like of which I am prone to produce now and again when I’m in the [...]
Duke of Earl / June 4 2008
Aren’t men weird?
I think they are, and my opinion was reinforced this morning in the Co-op when I was accosted by a rather peculiar fellow wearing a yellow lycra cat-suit - he looked like one of the Spice Girls on her day off. The effect was enhanced by a curious wet patch above his crotch. [...]
X-Katy / June 2 2008
I don’t know your name so I call you X-Katy because that’s the registration of your blue Peugeot 1007 – XKT.
You recently moved into a house a few doors down the road from me and we have acknowledged each other a few times but have not yet had a proper conversation, other than exchanging a [...]
Episode 6 / June 1 2008
Sorry for the delay; we’ve been having server problems. I thought I’d broken the Internet at one point but all is well now.
The next episode of my weekly podcasts for Big Arena Records is up – it’s something a little different this week.
Did I pass the audition?
