What’s That Coming Over The Hill? / June 9 2008
Over the past few months, I have received several messages from readers questioning my integrity and asking if my poor, benighted fellow inhabitants of this Derbyshire village really are as unpleasant and disagreeable as I sometimes render them. I have, on more than one occasion, been accused of demonising innocent unfortunates who are doing nothing more than simply going about their daily business.
Well, in my defence, allow me to present to you a rather unsavoury image – a representation I would like you to consider for a few moments after which you may judge me accordingly.
Returning to the house today after our morning hike, Audrey and I were greeted by a terrifying sight: Walking towards us as we reached the brow of Ball Hill was a grossly overweight, twenty-something woman in sagging, dirty pink leggings with a brood of young children on their way to school.
They were all swearing stridently - even the youngest who must have only been five or six years-old, using language that would scorch paint from walls. The mother was using her mobile phone. ‘It f*****g died,’ she said loudly into the mouthpiece. ‘I’m glad.’
I had to bend down and shield my little dog’s eyes because as she and her children passed us, the woman lifted up her left leg and spent a satisfying twenty seconds vigorously scratching her v****a.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I rest my case.
Filed under English Village Life
Comments
4 comments on “What’s That Coming Over The Hill?”
Jo Beaufoix / June 9th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
No, you’re right, that’s just nasty.
Nelson Galaxy / June 9th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Village of the Fanny Scratchers
Napoleon Fantastic / June 9th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Dirty girl!
charlotte / June 10th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Yuk, pink leggings.
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