The Napoleonic Wars (Part I) / May 5 2008
I was already in angry bear mode when I woke up this morning but the fact that my next-door-neighbour keeps throwing his empty cans of Foster’s lager on to my back garden made me feel even worse.
I took a moment to gird my loins and stormed round there. I banged on his door ready to murder the moron. ‘Are you mentally ill?’ I asked him.
Apart form a smile without promise, the only reaction I got from him was this: ‘It’s not me, buddy.’ Buddy!
My anger was reaching nuclear meltdown levels; I was ready to explode, to hurt, to maim and kill. To be honest, I was actually looking forward to something else going wrong so that I might vent my spleen further – anything from running out of milk to actual Armageddon would have been welcome.
In an effort to calm down, I took Audrey - who was seething in sympathy under the sofa – for an early lunchtime walk.
We went down by the old colliery railway tracks and explored some of the disused industrial buildings that no one has yet been bothered to demolish. They are fascinating places: derelict warehouses and abandoned depots of crumbling red brick, full of redundant machines, rotting cardboard, broken glass and garlands of twisted steel.
The damp smell of chaos and decay made me feel much better.
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Comments
5 comments on “The Napoleonic Wars (Part I)”
Nelson Galaxy / May 6th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Ahh, I love the smell of chaos and decay in the morning. Makes you feel much better. Keep in there Nap, we are all surrounded by idiots.
Napoleon Fantastic / May 6th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
They invented them here.
Nelson Galaxy » Radio Drum Clown / May 7th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
[...] Napoleon Fantastic recently mentioned he has had some difficulty with his neighbours. They have been throwing empty beer cans over the fence into his well kept garden. It is a disgrace and oh so selfish and rude. But I feel Nap should thank his lucky stars when it comes to neighbours. I have not had any issue with them on my frequent visits to Chez Napoleon. Although they do look at me like I was a space alien, but then most people do. [...]
Graham Boffey / May 8th, 2008 at 12:14 am
Napoleon, I would want to do painful things to him with a corkscrew. What a vile man. I hope he chokes on his Fosters. (Not till he’s dead, but just till he’s sick through his nose in front of the queen.)
Napoleon Fantastic / May 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I hope he chokes till he’s dead.
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