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The Sacred and The Profane / April 16 2008
We walked to Blackwell church yesterday and had a wander around the cemetery. In spite of the heavy rain, my mood was distinctly elevated, an effect achieved in most part by spending a few minutes reading some of the lovely epitaphs on the various headstones. Some are very beautiful and touching, unlike the disgusting graffiti [...]
Wait Watchers / April 14 2008
I had to catch a bus into Alfreton this morning and found myself waiting for about ninety minutes before I eventually got on one. I was so happy, I felt like bursting into song.
What annoyed me more than the actual waiting-time was the fact that I was being watched by two obese women with greasy [...]
Singer/Guitarist Wanted / April 13 2008
I am not advertising for new band members again, far from it. I simply wanted to say that I am a singer/guitarist and today I am feeling very wanted. Thank you.
On the Fantastic hi-fi today:
Aladdin Sane - David Bowie
Recycler / April 11 2008
Several people have permitted themselves a raised eyebrow or two and have mentioned to me that they are slightly bemused by my seeming fascination with used condoms. In my defence, I would perhaps suggest the reason for my avid interest in such objects is a healthy and wholesome one: I am a keen recycler.
I love [...]
The Case of the Mysterious Sheaths / April 10 2008
I counted five used condoms on the streets this morning.
I always see some. I’m constantly pulling Audrey along, trying to prevent her from sniffing the unsightly objects. I am quite flummoxed as to what they are all doing there. I’m beginning to suspect that the village is being overrun by legions of over-amorous night-time bonkers. [...]
Gills On Film / April 9 2008
I was accosted by an oddly-dressed, dribbling fat man outside the Salvation Army shop this morning. He began tugging excitedly at my sleeve while pointing at something in the shop window. ‘Lobbilob!’ he exclaimed.
‘Pardon?’
‘Lobbilob!’
‘I’m sorry, I – ‘
‘Lobbilob!’
Why does this kind of thing keep happening to me? In the window was a video of shark [...]
The Wind and The Crow / April 7 2008
Have you ever been startled by a bird flying into a window?
I was having a quiet mid-morning latte whilst gazing out over the rec’ from the control room, listening to the wind rattling the eaves and watching old people fall over on the snow-covered paths below, when . . . Wham! An enormous black crow [...]
Bass Player Still Wanted / April 5 2008
I have had several enquiries from people regarding the bass player position in Enormous. Unfortunately, none have been suitable so far.
I feel I must point out that we are looking for someone who can not only play the bass guitar but also someone who knows what such an instrument actually is. (Morag from South Wales: [...]
Foolish Parish Polish Polish Controversy / April 4 2008
It was still a little dark at six this morning when Audrey and I veered toward the shops during our early morning walk.
As we neared the market place, I recognised one of the local Polish newcomers sitting on the pavement outside the post office. He had with him a wooden stool and beside him on [...]
Bass Player Wanted / April 3 2008
Following on from yesterday’s post, it behoves me to tell you that Enormous are indeed looking for a new bass player.
If you fancy you might fit the bill – think Bruce Thomas or Nick Lowe, no Mark King wannabes, please – email me here at contact@napoleonfantastic.com, or hop on over to the Enormous website where [...]
