Traci Lords Will Eat Me / April 17 2008
I’m terrified. I have just had an email from someone called Randy Kilroy the subject of which declares: ‘Traci Lords Will Eat You’.
Not a very auspicious start to the day. I am already paranoid enough as it is and now some complete stranger is apparently going to devour me. I shall make sure all the doors and windows are tightly locked tonight and I am not going to answer the telephone at all.
I am too shaken up to read the body of the email but I did sneak a quick peek. It says something about thrusting and mentions ‘Weapons of Masturbation’ – I was sensible enough not to read any further and hurriedly deleted it.
Randy Kilroy should think twice about sending such messages to young and vulnerable individuals like me; I believe he and his associates are acting rather irresponsibly.
However, I have determined to not let the matter worry me any further. Instead, after a hearty lunch of coddled eggs and fig rolls, Audrey and I shall venture outside for an early promenade in the afternoon sun. We plan to amble along the tracks that border Townend Farm and watch the spring lambs as they caper and gambol about the meadow.
Filed under Annoyances / Paranoia / Spam
Comments
2 comments on “Traci Lords Will Eat Me”
Nelson Galaxy / April 17th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Boy, that Traci Lords gets around. I had the same email and replied - giving my bank details. Looking forward to my Weapon of Masturbation.
Jo Beaufoix / April 21st, 2008 at 12:53 am
I also had that email. She’s a bit of a one that Traci.
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