The Saliva of Civilisation / March 30 2008
Everybody spits around here; the streets and pavements are covered in luminous green globs of frothy phlegm. At times, the village resembles some kind of Wild West frontier town.
It is a local tradition that every member of the family – even the cats and dogs – devote at least one hour a day to the practice of liberal expectoration.
I am embarrassed to say that Audrey and I are not very good at spitting, a fact that marks us out as pariahs within the community.
I do practice whenever we are out walking but my skills still remain woefully inadequate. I just can’t make it go very far. On returning to the house, my coat is always covered in sticky rivulets of watery spittle.
I should perhaps devote more time to it; I feel I’m letting the side down slightly.
Filed under Anti-Social Behaviour / English Village Life / Everyday Things I Wish I Was Better At Doing
Comments
4 comments on “The Saliva of Civilisation”
Nelson Galaxy / March 31st, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Don’t you go spitting now Nap, it is an aboration. There is nothing worse. Disgusting!!
Napoleon Fantastic / April 1st, 2008 at 10:55 am
I’m not very good at it anyway. I shall probably not pursue it any further.
Nelson Galaxy / April 1st, 2008 at 4:06 pm
They do public spunkings in that London. I really hope that doesn’t spread to Derbyshire. Not nice.
Napoleon Fantastic / April 1st, 2008 at 5:02 pm
That is a long way for such a substance to spread, all the way from London to Derbyshire. Some potent brew you got down there.
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