O Hold Me, Firm Earth / March 24 2008
I’m shocked. I simply could not believe it on Saturday when my Uncle Michael did me an enormous favour. We have hardly been on speaking terms for about fifteen years and it has been an established belief within the family that we hate each other’s guts.
Michael is a staunch supporter of the British National Party, an organisation whose political ethos differs slightly from that of my own, to say the least. He is a rather odd-looking fellow: he is very overweight and has a strangely coloured complexion, the like of which has long been regarded as something of a medical curiosity. (His face has a sort of greeny-white pallor that changes to a colour that doesn’t actually exist in this dimension whenever he manages to rise from his armchair to waddle into his filthy kitchen to get more cheese.) I once saw him naked and now I always have to close my eyes whenever I go past a butcher’s shop.
I thanked him for his kindness and told him how much his help was appreciated. ‘Uncle Mike, I didn’t know you cared.’
He shrugged heavily. ‘I don’t,’ was all he had to say.
Not a word was uttered after that. We stood in silence for about three minutes while the wind blew an empty can of Foster’s Lager along the street outside. Audrey was looking up at me and blinking furiously. Once again, mute canine witness was being paid to my spectacular lack of social ability.
Filed under Audrey / Bigotry / Cheese / Family / Politics
Comments
2 comments on “O Hold Me, Firm Earth”
Despina / March 27th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Wonderful portrait!
Napoleon Fantastic / March 27th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Thank you, Despina.
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