Excessive Moderation / February 14 2008
It isn’t my birthday until tomorrow but I have already had scores of friends on MySpace sending me their best wishes and reminding me that they have a new album out at the moment or a gig in a few weeks time. It’s a jolly good job that they have kindly elected to send me these reminders because, my addled and now middle-aged brain being the glorious colander it is, I must admit that I had completely forgotten about most of their releases and upcoming concerts.
By way of marking the occasion, Nelson has invited me to London for a few days to ‘see what trouble we can get into’ but I am just too busy to go. And anyway, I am beginning to feel a little too old and weary for yet another spectacular adventure with my glamorous friend in the capital. And Sonny Starr rang me this morning and offered to escort me around Paris for the weekend, partying and carousing with the locals and ‘visiting the zoo’ – whatever that means. I had to turn him down.
I resolved last year that, from now on, my birthday celebrations will be modest and uneventful affairs. This year I plan to spend the day working as usual and then enjoy a quiet evening in with Audrey.
You can bet your bottom dollar that I shall not, however, dispense with tradition when it comes to ingesting alcohol. It is more or less guaranteed that by ten o’clock I shall be once again sinking into an inebriated nether-world of cold beer, red wine and mental derangement, acting out some monstrous comedy with only Audrey and the full-length mirror in the hallway to witness my shameful and embarrassing displays.
I shall try my utmost not to let things go that far, but you know how it is. After the first drink, good intentions seem to evaporate into the ether, helped along as they are by lager-propelled belches and large helpings of gay abandon and self-loathing.
If things get out of hand and I have a coronary before I pass out on the sofa or I find the bottle of Glenfiddich I tried to hide from myself seven months ago and become so drunk that I devolve into a monkey, I would just like to take this opportunity to thank you all for being my friends and for taking the time to listen to my pathetic bleatings. Thank you. Oh, and: Happy Birthday to me.
And I would also like to remind you all that my band ENORMOUS has an album out at the moment called Almost Everything which is available to buy on our website www.enormousreloaded.com - just in case it had slipped your mind.
Filed under Drinking / Enormous / Growing Old / Nelson Galaxy / Sonny Starr
Comments
6 comments on “Excessive Moderation”
Charlotte / February 14th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Hey Mr Fantastic, have a happy birthday tomorrow!
I’ll say a little cheers for you from a french cafe.
Charlotte. xx
Napoleon Fantastic / February 14th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Thanks, Chaz.
Don’t get too drunk. (I know what you’re like 
Nelson Galaxy / February 15th, 2008 at 12:07 am
Yo Napoleon, many happy returns for tomorrow. Enjoy you evening of gay abandon. You sure you don’t want to come to that London? You could wear the monkey suit again. “Birthday Cheese”
Napoleon Fantastic / February 15th, 2008 at 11:38 am
We did enough monkeying around the last time I was there. Birthday cheese indeed, old chap.
Jo Beaufoix / February 16th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Sorry I’m late Nap. Too much chocolate watching.
Hope you had a fabulous birthday and that Audrey bought you something beautiful.
XX from all the Beaufoixs.
And Miss M would still like you to have that stone. She picked it out just for you.
And Mr B is so proud of his singing. When he sang his little line to E she informed him that he sounded better than usual. Kids are great.
Napoleon Fantastic / February 16th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Jo,
when Mr B told me that M wanted to give me one of the Stones, I told him that I would have specified Charlie Watts as he is - in my estimation - the best dressed.
However - a word of warning to you all . . . remember this: a Rolling Stone gathers no moths.
. . . useless if you need a moth. And we all do, don’t we, sometimes.
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