Trimmings / December 21 2007
The man on the cheese counter in the Co-op earlier this morning was for some inexplicable reason dressed as a Viking.
‘Didn’t they have any Santa outfits left?’ I asked him while ordering my Christmas Stilton and Camembert.
‘I’m a Viking,’ he hissed, ‘and I can’t wait to get out of this frightful outfit, darling’ – I […]
Double Glazing / December 20 2007
Audrey and I put Hamilton on the train to Manchester this morning. He spent more than an hour on the telephone to his agent after breakfast and has managed to borrow a modest flat in the city for a few months. He even has some voice-over work lined up.
He also dug deep and managed to […]
Whisky Echo / December 19 2007
The bottle of whisky that Scottish Brian gave me a few weeks ago was polished off last night. Surprisingly, I do not have a hangover at all. I do, however, have a bad case of indigestion – whisky always does that to me, especially Jack Daniels. As I was walking Audrey this morning, I was […]
Doc True / December 18 2007
When comedienne Catherine Tate let slip on Jonathan Ross’s Radio 2 programme the other day that the next series of Doctor Who could be the last for actor David Tennant, she was confirming something that I already knew.
Hamilton Bentley, an actor friend of mine (from the Mr Sheen ads) is acquainted with Tennant and was […]
Starr Stories / December 17 2007
I had a visit from my old pal Sonny Starr yesterday. Sonny is the drummer with punk band The Dysons and lives in a tiny bohemian garret on the Rue St Denis in Paris. I haven’t seen him for about five years.
‘To what do I owe this rather unexpected pleasure, Sonny?’ I inquired, leading him […]
Internet Upstart’s Start / December 16 2007
My good friend and colleague Ashley Morgan, co-founder of Big Arena Records, trumpet player in Enormous and one half of the Enormous Horns, has just acquired one of the hottest blogs on the net: upstartblogger.com.
I shall be contributing regularly, revealing a few secrets and offering advice to the poor and needy, so why not hop […]
Doorbell Blues / December 15 2007
‘Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way!’
That is what I hear about once every hour when someone calls at the house next door. My neighbour Mary has installed her special Christmas doorbell just as she did last year at this time and by the end of today I shall most likely have taken my […]
Pink Frisbee™ / December 14 2007
Audrey found a pink Frisbee™ on the rec’ this morning. She absolutely loves it, as you can imagine.
She has a big wooden box in the kitchen full of balls and various squeaky animals – some of them brand new, but it is the old and mangy, discarded items that she finds while we are out […]
How It Hangs / December 13 2007
When you get to my age, thirty-five (Eh!? – Ed.), hangovers take on a malevolent character and can be very debilitating.
Nelson returned to London over a week ago and I am only now beginning to feel human again. I blame him - out of pure expediency, naturally - for being a bad influence on me […]
The Tell-Tale Lion / December 12 2007
‘Go on,’ she said, ‘nobody will see you.’
That was my mother – yes, my mother - egging me on to steal a small stone lion from the driveway of a derelict public house on the outskirts of the village yesterday.
‘He will look marvellous in our front garden,’ she insisted, nudging me ever forward.
‘Yes, but mum, […]
