Uneasy Lies the Crown / November 24 2007
There is a badly written article in the local press today that concerns the local controversy surrounding this summer’s Village Carnival Queen. Apparently she has been dethroned, having lied about her age, pretending to be sixteen when in reality she was three years younger.
She looks considerably older than thirteen in the front-page photograph of her in the Derbyshire Echo. In fact, she looks considerably older than the sixteen years she originally claimed to be.
It worries me. As soon as a pretty young girl applies make-up, she is immediately transformed into a woman much older than she actually is – especially if she is physically mature and is in effect no longer an adolescent.
This has always been a problem when visiting pubs in Mansfield – a nearby town renowned for its nightlife as well as its legions of under-age drinkers. One has to be extremely cautious when chatting to any of the attractive young females to be found there on a weekend evening: they could be much younger than they appear.
Such a thing is no longer a problem for yours truly, of course. I am far too old to be patronising such establishments on a regular basis these days. It is Nelson who attracts all the young fillies now. More and more, I find myself adopting the role of chaperone.
Last New Years Eve, for instance, he went home with a beaky sixteen-year-old little lassie. Luckily, her aunt saved the day; she marched Nelson back to the house at 1am and delivered to me a rigorous doorstep sermon about the evils of allowing transvestite siblings to seduce under-age girls, suggesting I keep a closer eye on the young Lothario in future.
Filed under English Village Life / Growing Old / Nelson Galaxy / Pretty Girls / Social Intercourse
Comments
4 comments on “Uneasy Lies the Crown”
Despina / November 25th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Oh dear!
Did you know, it also works the other way? I’m 22, but without my make-up, people guess me at 17 or 18?
By the way, my best friend is a medic in Mansfield. She is overage, but I am still very protective of her!
Napoleon Fantastic / November 26th, 2007 at 12:36 pm
Despina,
You’re not 22 are you? Never.
Nelson Galaxy / November 28th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
I just seem to like em young, that’s all. Not too young mind - I do like good conversation and don’t want to go to prison. Besides age is a frame of mind, probably.
Napoleon Fantastic / November 28th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
Nelson,
Age is just a frame of mind. You are as old as the woman you feel - which in your case makes you 0-years old.
Remember: a rolling stone gathers no moths.
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