Mojo Workin’ / November 21 2007
I treated myself to a restorative shopping trip to Nottingham yesterday. Amongst other things, I bought an expensive French Connection sweater and House of Meetings, the new Martin Amis novel.
For some reason, almost every pretty woman that I passed gave me a cute smile or even went so far as to nod at me by way of an informal salutation. One or two even uttered a quick ‘Hi!’. (This latter activity is something of a rarity on the streets of Nottingham.) I checked my flies several times and gave my reflection a quick once-over in the window of Debenhams in case there was something comically wrong with my appearance, but everything seemed in order. ‘Must be a full moon,’ I muttered under my breath.
I decided to take lunch in the Bell Inn on Slab Square. I ordered a pint of bitter and a chip cob. As I was rifling happily through my purchases, I couldn’t help noticing that a trio of handsome office-girls who were seated on stools at the bar were constantly glancing in my direction and giggling. At one point, one of them – an attractive brunette with dark eyes and long legs – gave me one of the most alluring smiles I have ever received. I re-checked my flies and in so doing knocked over my glass and hiccupped loudly. I’m sure I went bright red as well.
Of course, they could have been saying to each other something along the lines of: ‘Look at that creepy guy sitting on his own by the window who keeps staring at us. What a weirdo.’ But in the pleasant little reverie I was enjoying on the bus journey home, it was more along the lines of: ‘I wish he were mine.’
On returning to the house, I opened a tin of tuna by way of a modest celebration.
Filed under Books / Mojo / Pretty Girls
Comments
7 comments on “Mojo Workin’”
Nelson Galaxy / November 21st, 2007 at 5:51 pm
It’s the old fanny magnetism again. Ahh, chip cob in the Bell Inn - I remember the days. Why not capture a lady and take her home, I tried it once but she got away, I had blindfolded her so she didn’t know where I lived. Good times.
Napoleon Fantastic / November 21st, 2007 at 6:03 pm
I’m gonna capture a mermaid and take her to live in St Ives with us - she’ll like it there, she will.
Nelson Galaxy / November 23rd, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Mermaids are fish Nap - don’t go there!
Despina / November 23rd, 2007 at 8:39 pm
You don’t want to get done for B*stiality!
Napoleon Fantastic / November 24th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Sexy fish. You have to get it where you can.
Jo Beaufoix / November 25th, 2007 at 9:24 pm
But Nap. You know fish wouldn’t work, erm, very well.
Unless they had the head of a fish and the bottom half of a, well, you know.
Or, unless she was like one of Miss E’s Barbies, where she has a fish tail, but if you get bored of marine life Barbie you can whip off her tail and their are legs underneath.
That could work.
I bet they make mermaids like that.
Napoleon Fantastic / November 26th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
What is wrong with you all!? You’re all obsessed with me having sexual relations with a mermaid. A sexy fish. Mmm . . . Sexy fish . . .
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