More Treatment / October 22 2007
Once again, the filthy urchins of the parish have outdone themselves.
When they turned up at the house last night, they had not even bothered to dress up in the appropriate Halloween costumes or masks. ‘Trick or treat!’ came the inevitable demand.
They were actually shouting at the window because I was pretending that I wasn’t at home. They must have seen me peeping at them through the net curtains, however, because one of them seemed to be looking me directly in the eye. He had an unfortunate twitch in one of his beady, pig-like peepers that made it look as if he were winking at me. ‘You and I know something they do not,’ he seemed to be intimating.
Then I noticed that one of the group was lying slumped in an old wheelbarrow that the others were obviously pushing around with them as they went from door to door. Deformed and inert, the sight of the little body worried me. I thought that perhaps one of them had suffered some kind of epileptic seizure and had collapsed; and because his fellow beggars did not want him to feel left out, they had bravely elected to carry him around with them for the remainder of the evening whilst they went about their difficult work. I assumed - somewhat romantically, I admit - that they were transporting their fallen comrade around in the makeshift perambulator as a noble gesture of defiance against the rest of the village. Concerned for the welfare of the unfortunate child, I opened the door and pointed at the little body. ‘What is wrong with your friend?’ I asked. ‘Is he all right?’
‘Penny for the Guy!’ one of them blurted out as quickly as his scabby little mouth would allow.
You can imagine my reaction. How I wish I had managed to find someone willing to sell me a Taser: I keep looking.
I fully expect to next week have more young beggars at the door with their badly made Guy Fawkes’s in various shopping trolleys and pushchairs shouting Penny for the Guy! and singing Christmas carols in various awkward, augmented keys.
Filed under Annoyances / Anti-Social Behaviour / Halloween / Kids / The Decline of Western Civilisation
Comments
5 comments on “More Treatment”
Jo Beaufoix / October 23rd, 2007 at 1:01 am
Now why would the Guy need a penny?
Methinks the penny was to be pocketed by the young vagabonds.
Ooo the treachery.
Napoleon Fantastic / October 23rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
Jo,
young vagabonds indeed.
Never was a truer word spoken in jest.
Nelson Galaxy / October 26th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Forget the Taser mate, buy a gun - much more effective.
Dana / October 26th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
i find this amazing that they are coming before halloween as that doesnt even happen here.. what is going on over there ??!!
Napoleon Fantastic / October 26th, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Dana,
I think it’s the parents sending their kids out to earn so extra money for fags and cider and turkey twizzlers.
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