In Which Audrey Kicks Her Father in the Face / October 20 2007
Life and Death, Space and Time, Fate and Chance: these are the forces of the Universe – well, the more generally accepted ones, anyway. There is another, lesser-known universal force: Sleeping Dog; and I hereby propose that it is this force that is the Most Powerful of Them All.
Last night, Audrey, who sleeps next to me on the bed, was dreaming about fighting tom cats. In her dream, I fancy she saw herself as a hairy Bruce Lee as she bravely battled against the inscrutable legions of feline evil.
I realised long ago how adept at Kung Fu my little dog was becoming. She is graceful in the air and swift and deadly when she attacks. But I never for one moment thought that her prowess in the martial arts would ever be directed towards me.
At about three o’clock this morning, I received to the right eye, one of the most vicious and unexpected kicks that it has ever been my experience to, well, erm . . . experience. She made me bleed.
She did not do it on purpose, of course; and I was so proud of her because the powerful blow was delivered with such expert precision and professionalism, that I never stood a chance. But even so, I was slightly miffed. It came from one of her muscular back legs, too, which ensured that the damage was more substantial and gory than it perhaps might have been had she karate-chopped me with one of her forepaws.
A few nights ago, I turned over on my pillow and her wet nose was right there, pressed suddenly up against mine. It wasn’t very dark in the bedroom and I could clearly see her eyes open immediately very wide in surprise, as did mine. There we were, nose-to-nose, suddenly finding ourselves in an unusual and potentially embarrassing nocturnal situation. What she did next really made me giggle. She merely turned over, snuggled back into the soft pillow and let out a soft and gentle groan of comfy pleasure. Women!
Filed under Audrey / Dogs / Dreams / Pets
Comments
4 comments on “In Which Audrey Kicks Her Father in the Face”
Jo Beaufoix / October 20th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Ooo King Fu Canine.
Fantastic.
And how cute that Audrey was not too disturbed by the surprising nose contact.
I assume you normally sleep cheek to cheek?
Napoleon Fantastic / October 21st, 2007 at 11:54 am
Jo,
Not cheek-to-cheek: back-to-back. I sleep really well when she is snuggled up to me. Must be something primal - you know, dogs guarding the entrance to the cave and all that.
Tata!
Despina / October 21st, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Awww nooo! How are you?
Can’t wait to get a cute doggy to relieve me from nocturnal boyfriend cuddling duty!
Napoleon Fantastic / October 21st, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Des,
I can’t wait till I get a girlfriend to relieve me of nocturnal dog-cuddling duty.
But to tell you the truth, we have already been working out between us how we can fit everybody in.
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