Galaxy Hotel / September 27 2007
‘Aaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!’
That was the rather alarming sound that was coming from an ugly little boy-child whom Audrey and I passed this morning. He did not want to go to school.
It sounded like someone was killing a pig. Audrey was most dismayed. ‘I’m not surprised he’s ugly,’ I whispered to her. ‘Look at his mother.’
The desperate woman who had lost control of her horrific terrorist infant was no oil painting. There are many women around here who I suspect share full gene sequences, as the longer I stay in this village, the quicker that they are all beginning to resemble one another in their unsightliness. This particular woman’s features were so ghastly that I was surprised she did not fall over. She reminded me somewhat of one of the dwarfs staring out from a Velázquez painting.
I mentioned all of this to Nelson when I rang him a few minutes ago. ‘Kids,’ he said. ‘Horrible things – one bit me once in Piccadilly. Do you remember? You, on the other hand, really like them, don’t you?’
‘Yes, I do,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t eat a whole one though.’ I went on: ‘I was wondering if I might invite myself down to stay with you for a week, Nel. I could really do with a break.’
‘Sure. We’ll hit all the bars in Soho and the West End,’ he said, excitedly.
‘Not every night,’ I told him. ‘Maybe just the Friday.’
‘OK, boss,’ he said. ‘Message understood. No drinking on a school night, but the weekend we go crazy.’
‘I really just need a quiet break,’ I told him.
‘My flat isn’t a bloody hotel, you know,’ he complained. Then: ‘Wait a minute. I know you, Nap. You’re planning something, aren’t you?’
‘I might be,’ I said.
Filed under Drinking / Kids / London / Nelson Galaxy
Comments
4 comments on “Galaxy Hotel”
Jo Beaufoix / September 30th, 2007 at 11:54 pm
‘This particular woman’s features were so ghastly that I was surprised she did not fall over.’
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
Classic line there Napoleon.
You made me hiccup and it scared the gerbil.
Napoleon Fantastic / October 1st, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Thanks, Jo.
Apologise to the gerb for me will you?
Despina / October 1st, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Hahaha, I know exactly what you mean. I detest ugly, common women.
No no, really, I do!
Napoleon Fantastic / October 1st, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Despina,
I was thinking of walking over to the village hall and setting up an anti-ugly common women club or somesuch, but I don’t think we would have many members. People really seem to like their ugly women around here. I’m in the minority.
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