High Steaks / September 3 2007
What the hell is it with people? Especially next-door-neighbours.
There I was, minding my own business, when something caught my eye outside the kitchen window. Thinking that perhaps I had once more begun to see phantoms, I ignored it. But then it happened again. Something dark and roughly the size and shape of a small bird had fallen from the sky and on to our garden.
On investigation, it turned out to be half-cooked beef steaks that were landing at regular intervals on our lawn. They were being thrown over the high Leylandii hedge that separates us from our ghastly neighbours, who, I could hear and smell, were having a family barbeque.
Audrey was blissfully chewing away on one of the enormous t-bones and seemed very happy with this unexpected arrival of manna from heaven. I, on the other hand, was furious. The fact that I am a vegetarian and have been for twenty years now made it even more horrendous. What on earth do my neighbours think they are doing?
Perhaps they believed that they were being generous or charitable. But they could firstly at least have asked if we would like to receive such meaty gifts. Whatever the reason or mangled thinking behind their actions, their method of delivery does not exactly demonstrate any kind of objective and intelligent thought processes, does it? Does it?
I did not knock on their door and complain; the house is inhabited by a very hostile and pugnacious young man with dubious connections and forearms larger than my thighs. I simply donned a pair of rubber gloves, collected up the offending articles and deposited them all in the dustbin. I then sat in front of the television and quietly seethed to myself for the rest of the evening.
To make matters worse, Audrey woke me several times in the night to be let outside because she needed to empty her little dog-bowels in a hurry. Concerned, I followed her with a torch. What came out was very unsavoury - although it must be said, it certainly did not waste any time in actually leaving her body. Whoosh! Poor thing. Now I’m worried that she has been poisoned.
Filed under Annoyances / Audrey / Dogs / Idiots / Neighbours from Hell / Vegetarianism
Comments
2 comments on “High Steaks”
Graham Boffey / September 4th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
Poor Audrey.
Evil neighbours are so annoying.
Maybe you could throw what is left of the burgers back over the fence…
Napoleon Fantastic / September 5th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Good idea, Graham - and I did consider it - but then I realised how frighteningly hard the man is, and what was left of the steaks, after they had passed through Audrey, could not in any way have been thrown as such. No solidity, you see.
Thanks for the suggestion, though. I shall bear it in mind for next time.
Leave a comment
