Everyday Things . . . / July 25 2007
4. Smalltalk
I am not very proficient at any kind of social interaction – even after consuming considerable amounts of alcohol, but I am especially bad at smalltalk.
One would imagine that, in walking Audrey three of four times a day - usually in busy areas such as the park or the rec’ or the market place in the village, my skills in this respect would be more highly evolved. Alas, I have to inform you that they are woefully lacking.
Dog walkers are generally a very friendly and sociable lot and love to pause for a quick chat to pass the time of day. However, when I see someone approaching that Audrey and I know slightly, I am filled with dread and foreboding. I find it so difficult to talk about anything other than my dog or the weather. And even then, I am prone only to mention in very few words how damp it is; or sometimes how likely it is to rain, even though it may be perfectly sunny at the time.
I strongly suspect that our fellow dog walkers are fully aware of my awkwardness and reticence by now. On the whole, they have learned not to torture me by forcing me into conversations. They know that all they can usually expect to get out of me are tongue-tied and self-conscious snippets like: ‘Really?’ ‘Is it?’ ‘I know.’ ‘It does, doesn’t it.’
What is worse is that I often react with an embarrassed and inappropriate belly-laugh to comments from them that do not require a humorous response. For example: Man: ‘My wife died last week.’ Me: ‘Really? Ha! Ha! Ha!’
I hate myself for being like this and I sincerely hope to see an improvement at some point in my life. I suppose that I shall lumber towards a resolution of some description. In the not too distant future, I plan to purchase one of the many self-help books that are available on the subject. Then, hopefully, I will not keep coming out with gauche and painfully wrought insights like: ‘Life’s like that, isn’t it. See you later.’
I once found myself standing in the pouring rain on the rec’ facing a tall, middle-aged man with sallow features and a lively Jack Russell. I heard myself say to him: ‘Do you like vanilla?’
To this day, I have no idea why.
Filed under Audrey / Dogs / Everyday Things I Wish I Was Better At Doing / Life
Comments
2 comments on “Everyday Things . . .”
Jo Beaufoix / July 26th, 2007 at 6:28 pm
Ahh Napoleon this is so funny yet kind of sad.
I always think we Brits do pathos so well.
And ‘Do you like vanilla?’ is a perfectly reasonable question for any man.
Napoleon Fantastic / July 27th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Thanks, Jo.
Thing is, I just cannot remember why I said that particular thing to a complete stranger. I haven’t seen him since so maybe he thought it was some kind of agressive threat and has taken to avoiding me.
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