In Golden Pond / July 18 2007
I know this might sound like a gross generalisation, but all old people are useless.
I was just in the small chemist’s shop in the village attempting to buy some brown hair-dye. On inspecting the packets on the shelves, I noticed that whilst the various Belle Colours and Garniers with pictures of smiling, handsome young women on the front were all priced at around £4.50, the dozen or so boxes of the Just For Men brand of dye were a whopping £7.95.
Intrigued, I asked the elderly assistant why there should be such a considerable price difference. She was so old and doddery, she looked as though she didn’t have much time left on this earth - perhaps not even enough to complete our transaction – but, nonetheless, I pressed her to answer my enquiry.
‘Well, those ones are for men, dear,’ she said.
‘Indeed, that may be the case,’ I told her, ‘but both products contain equal amounts of dye and equal amounts of conditioner, and yet one costs nearly twice as much as the other.’
She faltered momentarily and moved slightly from side to side as if she were very slowly and carefully considering a point that had suddenly appeared from outer space. She was tiny and fragile with sagging, translucent skin that was thin enough to spit through. I gradually became aware that if I pressed the subject too forcefully, I might break her. Or even worse: in trying to find a helpful and definitive explanation for the bewildering situation, I feared she may collapse. I was worried she might suffer a cerebral haemorrhage and quietly expire right there in front of me.
‘It just doesn’t make any sense to me,’ I said finally. ‘Even though both products are identical, the one intended for use by men is disproportionately expensive.’
She was leaning heavily on the counter by now but was looking directly into my eyes and was listening intently.
‘I’ll tell you what,’ I said, ‘I have a suggestion for you. Whenever a man comes into the shop to buy hair-dye, why don’t you point out to him that he should choose one of the female-intended products – instead of the Just For Men – as it would be so much lighter on his pocket?’
She seemed to have been anticipating my argument. ‘I would do dear, but you see, we never get any men coming in to buy hair-dye,’ she said, without even the merest hint of irony. ‘There’s just no call for it around here.’
I rest my case.
Filed under Annoyances / English Village Life / Growing Old
Comments
4 comments on “In Golden Pond”
Jo Beaufoix / July 18th, 2007 at 9:55 pm
So which brand did you get Napoleon?
P.S. Drop by my site. You have awards young man. Mwah mwah.
Napoleon Fantastic / July 19th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Belle Colour Light Chocolate Brown, £4.25. (100% grey coverage.)
Miss Despina / July 20th, 2007 at 8:34 am
I often wondered this when working in superdrug. The men’s section was laid out in a way very adapted to the way men shop, and they scam you for the price in the same way they do when women want to buy pink razors!
By the way, I think we now have the same colour hair. Enjoy the grey coverage (yeah right).
Napoleon Fantastic / July 20th, 2007 at 11:32 am
Miss Despina,
I’m intrigued as to how exactly Superdrug think men shop.
Speaking for myself, I like to use the ‘in and out as quickly as I can’ technique. (In fact this very system has been useful to me in many areas of life.)
When in smaller shops such as the one here in the village, I prefer to tarry awhile and torment old people whenever possible.
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