Domestic Services / June 23 2007
I am unable to keep the house clean.
I endeavour to – believe me. I have very noble motives when it comes to trying to keep it spic-and-span (i.e. in readiness for the occasional visit by local dignitaries or even, on summer evenings, pretty girls), but I always seem to fail. I am always too busy in the studio manipulating midi data or carefully placing large-diaphragm microphones or generally just kicking some audio ass to be concerned with such mundane and trivial tasks.
Chez Fantastique, there is always a surfeit of trailed-in mud, collapsing scenery, creative furniture arrangement and just the general and happy chaos that comes with having a constantly-bouncing dog around the place. So much so, in fact, that I have recently been considering buying a slave, to help me keep on top of things.
And if, as I have just been informed, it is no longer possible to purchase such a thing these days, I shall have to employ the services of a cheap and willing servant, or perhaps some other class of domestic helper, in order that that dreaded thing, the favourite pastime of the sadist: housework, will sometimes get done around here.
Needless to say, someone needs to intervene to help alleviate the current condition of our little Englandshire home. There are just too many dirty dishes, piles of unwashed clothing, dusty surfaces and discarded tissues lying around that it makes for rather an unsavoury environment at times.
I must stress, however, that I do hold several colourful and captivating views on the subject of living standards in the modern age, one of them being that there is considerable merit in enjoying a relaxed and bohemian – and, shall we say, continental – lifestyle, but enough is enough.
On the Fantastic hi-fi today:
Jarvis – Jarvis Cocker
Filed under Annoyances / Big Arena Studios / Humour / Life
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