Wake Me Up Before I Go Go / March 28 2007
I know that growing old is inevitable, but for me, lately, the process has taken a somewhat unexpected turn.
For perhaps the last eight months or so, I find I am waking up two or three times in the night desperately needing to pee. Even if I try not to ingest much liquid in the hours before retiring, I still go like a horse. Where does it all come from?
This is a recent development; I can’t remember it happening much before last year. I can only put it down to global warming or - and this is probably more likely - to my ever-advancing years. And ultimately, the failing ability of my bladder to conform to normal factory standards, due to age.
It has, however, become quite vexatious as I now find myself unable to enjoy a complete, uninterrupted night of sleep. I suppose it isn’t the worst thing in the world that could happen to a man, but I can’t say I really take great pleasure in being compelled to rise from my comfy bed at regular nocturnal intervals.
I sometimes try to sleep through the discomfort but this often leads to endless disturbing dreams of rough seas and of heavy bags bursting. I also fear, with some trepidation, the horror of having the integrity my urinary system (and the dryness of my bedsheets) compromised by involuntary mass-ejections of fluid. (No, not that kind of fluid.) If that were to happen, it would of course be most embarrassing – especially as I am frequently to be found lying next to a slumbering collection of pretty girls.
But, come what may, I don’t suppose there is anything to be done to alleviate this novel situation; so I promise not to mention it further – unless I have a major ‘accident’ and then I shall write a song about it and post a link to the mp3.
Tomorrow: ‘I’m Sure I’ve Got Haemorrhoids’
Filed under Annoyances / Dreams / Growing Old / Humour / Insomnia / Life
Comments
2 comments on “Wake Me Up Before I Go Go”
Jo Beaufoix / March 30th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Is there a possibility you might be pregnant?
Napoleon Fantastic / April 1st, 2007 at 12:26 pm
I knew it! Thanks, Jo. At least now I know it’s not just the inevitable onset of old age.
Right, I better have a look at the Mothercare website…
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